Encopresis

**This post talks of poop and wet farts. If that sort of thing is too much, you might want to move on today!**

It's funny to me how you can often tell the personality of your baby In Utero. I remember quite vividly that I knew I was "in for it" with Connor. When he finally started moving around in there, he moved all of the time. During my ultrasounds he put on a show, spreading his legs for the world to see his stuff, bouncing around, waving at us, basically.

My labor with him was also a clear marker of his personality. He was ready to enter this world. But seriously, on.his.time. My water broke. I was in labor. But I didn't progress. Finally, with the threat of being ripped out of my uterus by a stranger hanging in the air, Connor decided he'd take the natural route.
And I know this all sounds crazy. But seeing the way he works now, I know this to be true. He had his own mind. Always has. I believe he always will.

And that has marked every milestone. He didn't walk until a bit after his first birthday and he took off running. Seriously.
He didn't talk until about the same time & it was full-on sentences.

I figured potty training would go pretty easily. Rav took that on in a week & Connor was peeing in the potty like he had his whole life.
He wasn't so wild about pooing in the potty.
And he still isn't.

This became a topic of great concern last summer.
Connor informed me he would not be eating anymore because it made him poop.
I immediately called the pediatrician and our therapist at behavioral clinic.
They first told me not to worry & how to respond to this statement of his.
And then they congratulated me on having such a smart kid. Which, let me tell you, was really not what I wanted to hear at that moment.

I told Connor, when he would say this, that everyone poops. Even if they don't eat.
Thank goodness, he resumed eating.

We talked about this "problem" with behavioral clinic and we tried putting Connor on the potty at the time he would go every night (he was like clock work).
Then he started holding it in until the middle of the day, so I would be caught off guard.
Behavioral clinic told us he obviously feels very strongly about this. That we are to tell him they are his poops. That he can poop in his underwear, in his pull-up. But from now on, he'd have to help clean up.
So, we did this. I figured a few days of this & he'd be ready for the potty.
Nope. No way.

It got to the point where, one night he spent the night with my mom...she put him on the potty and asked him to go (and he did a little bit). He was so pissed, when we picked him up and brought him home, he went right up to his room, took off his pants and pooped in the middle of his bedroom floor.
Quite a statement, eh?

Again, behavioral clinic told us to let him know that his poops were his own. But he was responsible for clean-up.

We've gone on like this for almost a year. He goes in his pull-up, he helps clean up. Every so often, he'll go on the potty. As a teaser. Then we're right back to square one.
He's recently increased his withholding. He's been deliberately not pooping - at all. His poor tummy is so distended and bloated from the amount of poo he's got trapped in there.
At times, even when he would poop in his pull-up, he'd poo enough to relieve some of the pain and pressure and hold in the rest.

A few weeks ago, he came home from school and as he walked in the door with Rav, Connor had this look on his face of grave concern. I asked him what was wrong and he said he pooped in his pants. I asked him when. He told me at school. I turned him around and the stench hit me in the face. He sure had. Since he usually goes at a certain time in the evening, I knew that this was escalating. He was now leaking because he was so backed up.
I took him up and cleaned him up. And as I'm doing this & realizing how long he had been at school walking around like this, my heart just broke for him. I could feel his embarrassment at being discovered. How his whole day must have felt...one big stress ball of trying to hide this dirty secret in his pants.
We explained to him that everyone has accidents. And that if it happens at school again, he needs to tell one of his teachers.

Last night, Connor came to us with something cold in his pull-up (at this point, he hasn't pooped in days). He was beginning to leak a little and having "wet-farts".
I had to lay it on the line. I told him that his belly was really big & that he's having these wet farts because all of that poop needs to come out. And that if it doesn't come out he's going to get sick and I will have to call the doctor. So, if he doesn't want that to happen he has two choice: 1) Poop in the potty or at least try. or 2) Poop in his pull-up and I'll have to give him medicine tomorrow (laxative). After much stress, questions, explanations, whining, bargaining (on his part, to no avail), he decided on the potty.
He & I made our way upstairs with a new Space Book he got for Easter. He sat down and I began talking about each detailed page. The rings of Saturn, The Moons of Neptune, The life on Earth, and of course, Uranus.
He was asking questions and finally, a movement.

We finished the book. Cover to cover. All while he was working some magic in the bowl.
He looked better (seriously, his face looked better), I know he felt better. He probably felt a lot lighter! He looked in the bowl at his *ahem* accomplishments. And said, They look like hot dogs!!
I called Rav up to join in the celebration and gawk at what was in the bowl (something you would never dream of doing until it's your child's poop & it is something to celebrate). We couldn't believe the amount. Mind blowing. Connor said to Rav, It looks like a hot dog!
To which Rav replied, It's a whole pack of hot dogs, buddy!

I'm not getting my hopes up that this is over for Connor. I want it to be so. But most likely, we will have to resort to laxatives and mineral oil.

This process has been the single most stressful, heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced. It certainly wasn't listed anywhere in the "manual" at the hospital when I had him. This is not something I've heard other parents talk about.
This is something that has caused stress in our house....between Rav & I. Despite our best efforts at being calm and understanding it wears us down from time-to-time.
This is something that well-intentioned family members and friends need to understand a bit better. And that silence can be golden. But a listening ear and an understanding heart will go a long way.

I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this. After not talking about it on here, at all, I feel a bit better though.

I guess on one hand I put it out here for anyone who reads this or stumbles across it who might need to read about a personal experience.
This is a real problem, it's not an end-of-the-world thing, but it's very trying, it's scary and again it doesn't seem to get talked about.
Getting professional guidance is a must. Whether it be a pediatrician or a behavioralist - or both. It's a nasty, often painful cycle these poor kids start for themselves.

And I hope that maybe this helps someone.
Thanks for reading & allowing me to get this out (HA!).