Dreams and Wishes From The Past

I had my 2nd reiki treatment last night.
The session was interesting & I can't wait to share it.

But first I had to get a few other thoughts out.
The first thing is that I wanted to share that I wrote a little card to *E's* mom.
And it was well received.
I'll leave it at that for now.

Last night before and after my treatment I met up with my stepmom for some girly talk.
And after we were finished - quite honestly we probably could have chatted all night long - I stopped in to see my dad and brothers. It wasn't a long visit. But it was enough. In a good way.

I was sharing with my dad the details of my reiki treatment and something came to him and he walked away.
He came back with a box.
And inside the box was a violin.
An old violin.
In pieces.

He began telling me how this violin was my grandfather's (his father). And he loved this violin. He thought it was "something".
My dad took it to a musician in a local city to find out about it and to inquire about getting it put back together.
Sadly (or not so sadly), the violin is "nothing" in terms of monetary value and it would cost more to put it back to rights than to buy a nice, quality new one.

As my dad was telling me about it, I began salivating.
And felt bad despite myself.
I felt like a wolf, hungry for the kill.
I felt horrible for being so overtaken with thoughts like Give it to me!! Drop it, sucker. Hand me the box and no one gets hurt!!!
I somehow managed to get ahold of myself.

See, for as long as I remember I've wanted to learn how to play the Violin. And to see this in front me of me was almost too much to handle....the thought of playing Violin - his violin - clouded any ounce of good judgement I had.
I never have understand why I wanted to play. Because my passion has always been the Saxophone (and percussion, although I've never played percussion instruments).
Something has always drawn me to the Violin.

I had no idea until last night that my grandfather used to play.

My dad finished his story about the poor, dime-store violin.
And then he said
I'm going to have a little ceremony and I'm going to burn it.

I gasped.
My eyes in wide horror.
WHY????????

He said I'm going to burn it and take it down to Dad. Maybe if we all get together on the weekend of Thanksgiving we'll burn it then since we all will be together.

My grandfather apparently had much love for this 1920s Montgomery Ward Violin - that he bought 2nd hand and thought was "something".
And my dad is doing the right thing by his Dad.
It should be with him where he rests.

I left their house a little less selfish.
Happy that it will be returned to its rightful owner
and that since I've never met my grandfather and always longed for some physical connection, content in the fact that maybe I got this desire to play from him.

Full Circle

I haven't seen Three Dog Night Dad in quite awhile.
There really is no great excuse.
Attempts have been made.
And for one reason or another, it just doesn't come to fruition.

Out of desperation, I phoned old Pop at about 4 p.m. Tuesday evening and said
Hey, Dad. It's Jess. Feel like stopping by for a bit on your way home from work?
He gobbled up the invitation.

We sat on the couch and chatted while the kids showed him every meaningless tidbit under the sun.
Meaningless as in Here, Pop-Pop! Look at this tissue!!! Here, Pop-Pop, look at this Cheerio on the floor that has been here since Connor's 6 month of life!!!
They were so excited to see him, they had to ply him with every object and object description they possibly could.

So there we are.



Father and daughter sitting on the couch.
Having a good old,long overdue talk.
All of a sudden, my dad stops listening.
His eyes avert to the right of me.
Something else has grabbed his attention.

At first I'm a tad bit alarmed thinking maybe that ginormous spider of ours has made it's way into the house.
Or worse yet, a mouse has been spotted (I'm freakishly afraid of the nasty buggers).

I look in the direction that has him so engrossed.
And it is this picture that has made it's way to the computer screen during the screen saver montage:

He sat there staring with the goofiest, most satisfied, longing, happy look on his face.I was speechless.
I didn't know what to say.

But as a mom, as a parent, I can only imagine what he must have been thinking.

Sunday Morning Song of the Moment - father's day edition

This was taken about 50 minutes after Connor was born. Rav was so young. Well, I was young too. But Rav was even younger. It seems like a lifetime ago that this picture was taken. And it seems like just a mere 5 minutes ago it was taken. If that makes any sense.

Rav & I were elated to become parents. It wasn't planned. But this picture marks an amazing time in our lives. We were becoming a family. We were still figuring it all out (well, to some extent, we still are).

At this time, Rav was working full-time and attending college full-time to complete his degree. There were days that I woke up wondering how I did what I did. But more often, I often wondered how Rav did what he did. Everyday. With no complaints.





This picture was taken a month or so after Gracie was born. She was a snuggle-bunny. She always wanted to be close. This picture is a rather amazing artifact, because for the first 7 months of her life, she wanted no one but Momma. And in all the excitement of her birth, we managed to not get a picture of Rav holding her. Which makes me rather sad.

Rav has been amazing to watch as a father - a Dad. Countless hours spent rocking and singing to Connor. Playing silly boy games.
He's always here. He works so hard. And he is 150% devoted to the kids. To me. To our family.
I know. I know just how lucky the kids are to have Rav as a Dad. I know just how lucky I am to have Rav as my husband, my love. And anyone who knows Rav is lucky to know him. For he is probably the most loyal person I've ever met.
He is kind, generous, heartfelt, funny, and gentle. Even a bit cheesy sometimes. But he's just an all around great guy.
I know that I could search the Earth and find many a good guy. But, in my searches, I could never find a guy who is strong enough to be a man for me or a Dad for my kids

like Rav.

Happy Father's Day, baby.

I struggled with a song today. Rav knows that I have struggled with a song for today. I had a couple that would be so fitting, but they were not to be found on Youtube.
So, here is my pick..... Loving Wings by Dave Matthews Band.
For my Rav. And for all of the other Dads out there today.
From me.
To YOU.