Not Always an Easy Question

Aliki asked me today: "How ARE you?"

This got me thinking about the nature of the question.
In most cases, it can be a pretty pedestrian question.
You could walk into an A&P and ask someone, "How are you?"
You would most likely get an, "I'm fine and you?" in return.
Most of the time, the question is asked without any real answer.
Most of the time, you ask the question and you don't want the answer.

I also know that I'm usually a caretaker-type personality.
I'm usually the one that people are coming to for help, advice, and guidance (in real life).
So rarely am I asked the question.

And that is OK.
Most of the time, I am OK.
There usually isn't much to tell.
I'm a pretty open book.

So, when I opened my gmail and saw the comment (in the form of an email) where Aliki asked the question, it made me smile. It made me stop for a moment and ask myself:
How ARE you?

Rather a simple question.
It shouldn't be hard to answer.
But it is.
Today it is. Well, sort of.


I made a lot of progress this past year letting go of the little girl who was screaming on the inside.
But she's back.
She's back after my mom told me that she is leaving my stepdad.
I'm a grown woman, I know.
But the way in which my mom does this knee-jerk reaction thing and well,
just brings back some memories which I thought were long dealt with.
On a less selfish, egotistical note
I'm thinking of the implications this will have on Connor and Gracie.

Rav & I have been dealing with a family issue which I really am not at liberty to discuss here.
While it has certainly taken its toll, it has only helped us to talk through some things and take stock.
The ripple effects are heartbreaking.

I'm going through yet another spiritual awakening of sorts and have
come to some realizations that are wonderful, scary, and comforting
all at once. I'd love to blog about this, but I don't know if it will ever come about.

The biggest thing is that, despite turmoil and stress, I'm staying even. I'm not hiding.
I'm good.

Rav and I are strong in our relationship. We have our days, like we all do. But I am so, so thankful for our solid relationship.
I realize how connected we are and how we are lucky to still have passion.

Ours isn't a perfect life.
Far from it.
But we've made it together.
We work hard at it.

And it's perfect for us.

So, to answer the question:
At the end of the day.
When my head hits the pillow
I am thankful.

And I am good.

8 ripples in the pond:

flutter said...

good is good baby. Good is good.

liv said...

put your new shoes on, sister. sometimes not everything suddenly seems right, but the walk is cushier.

jen said...

it's awfully nice to be asked, isn't it?

Mary-LUE said...

So true, Tabba, so true... and I love Coldplay!

I hope that this equilibrium you have right now stays balanced for you. I'm sorry there are tough issues, but you are right, it is life.

Take care!

Deb said...

I'm glad you're doing well. You remind me of myself in some ways. I think I've progressed, learned something and then bam, something happens to remind me that I'm still learning, always learning. I'm tired of learning sometimes but glad at the same time. Makes me look forward to the next forty years, still lots to learn. I shall never be bored:)

Denguy said...

I think it's in China where they say, "Have you eaten?" as a greeting. It's not meant to be taken literally.

It's good to be good.

carrie said...

Yes, what Flutter said. :)

Aliki2006 said...

I am so glad you are good, friend. It's funny how that's not an easy state of being, isn't it, in these complicated time?