Final Say

Today, during a drool fest, or what I'd like to call a late afternoon nap, Rav woke me up to take a phone call.

A phone call from the People who interviewed me for that position at a state-run detention center.

Remember?

I quickly wiped the drool off of the side of my face and my chin.

I mentally slapped myself in the face.

I cleared my throat so there would be no hint of grogginess when I answered the phone.

Blah-de-blah-blah.



I got the job.
Yes. Oh, yes.

I got the fucking job.

I say it like that because I resigned myself to the fact that I didn't get it.

And truth-be-told, I was a wee bit relieved.

See.

The job is 2nd shift.

And with Connor starting all day Kindergarten next year, that means I will see him all of 2 days a week and for a few minutes in the morning before he goes to school.

That also means that during the day, I will have to attend my classes to finish up that degree I've been working on.

As a family, the salary will benefit us tremendously.

But my big hang-up is the absence of seeing Connor.


Oh, and this big kicker.
My return flight from Blogher is Monday, July 30th. I arrive in Philly at noon to one-ish.
And the first day of my two week training?
Yep. Monday, July 30th.
Got to love non-refundable plane tickets.

When I interviewed for the position, the Asst. Superintendent told me that they are "cleaning house" in regards to staff. And that there are a lot of staff which are getting ready to retire. I'm holding out hope that maybe after putting in a few months time, a day shift position will open up. And that perhaps I'll be eligible.

Because like I said, not seeing my boy is going to really be a doozie.

For him.
And for me.

I'm sure by now you've been able to pick up the questions in my voice in regards to my ability to juggle this.
I know moms do this all day. Everyday.
Jobs, kids, home, school.
And they do it well.

I just question my ability.
Will the kids feel neglected/abandon by me?
Connor, being so sensitive, I know will be OK. But. But. He does not acclimate well to change.
How will I be able to complete my school work?
And feel like I'm being the mom that the kids need me to be?
How will I sustain the energy needed to accomplish all of this and not get burnt out?

Seriously, the questions are endless.