Check Yo'self Before You Wrickity-Wreck Yo'Self

I have to vent/rant/complain about a peeve I have (I do have many). There have been several circumstances - I'll call them - where someone/somebody has voiced an opinion/view on something to which they have not investigated/read/known anything about. And then make scathing accusations/assumptions.
Don't you think that before you make strong statements about anything you should take the time to actually learn a little bit about it?? To see if your prejudgements were just that?!
I don't know. That's just me.

My Back Hurts

I had these burning, stinging sensations on my back. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what it was. Upon further inspection, I see that they are tire tracks from BEING THROWN UNDER THE BUS! thanks.

I'm Conquering Hills. But I Still Have Mountains To Climb.

I have this mania about stability. Trying to create stability for my kids, for me, for our household, etc. And really, it's a mania. I become completely panic-stricken when I have to change something. Even when it is necessary. I try to remain calm. Most of my life has been ruled by extremes. One end of the spectrum or the other. No happy medium. I've fought against it my whole life and still fight against it - in a maniacal way.
I sat down this morning and wrote down how many times I've moved and growing up, how many schools I went to. It's pretty ridiculous. Obviously, since becoming an 'adult' I haven't moved as much. But I think that this may be the key to my mania.
Growing up, I attended 8 different schools and until the age of 18, I moved 12 times. Moving all of the time, constantly being uprooted (this happened mostly on a turn of a dime) drove me absolutely crazy.
Now being a person who has been ruled by extremes (so much of my personality still is) my response has been to not want to change things. For example, changing an email address, a doctor, an appointment, a phone number, the kids' school, etc. This stuff makes me feel wild inside with instability. I feel like I'm being judged, when reality, it's me doing the judging. I need to get this under control. My desire to keep things stable for my kids is a normal desire. But to feel totally panic-stricken and crazy inside is....mania.
My poor kids. Between my mania and other issues and Bry's OCD, they have no chance in hell of ever being normal.


Greedy Little Pig

I have no motivation, inspriation or ?? right now. I don't know what to blog about. I'm falling into a slump b/c of putting weight back on & not being on the bike. I don't know if it's the weather, the time of year or what. But I need to climb out before I fall completely into an abyss of laziness.
This is the only thing I could think to type about:

If I had unlimited funds what would I buy?
*Sex and the City - all 6 seasons
*Canon EOS Digital Rebel
*2 new bras
*breakfast at Cosmo's on Sunday morning for myself & Bry
*new Dansko's
*the firearm that Bry has been drooling over
*A new livingroom carpet
*Paint for Connor's room
*Wainscott & paint for dining room
*A new vehicle
*that 2nd tattoo I've been threatening to get, but haven't yet
*A Farm
*Some horses
*A Road Bike
*A New Bike Rack
*A Razor Phone for Gracie (HAHAHA, I crack myself up!!!!)
*A series of once-in-a-lifetime vacations for Bry & I to go on

I'm not asking for much, am I? And didn't I just post about indulgence or something like that? Hmm, I don't think so ;)

Fall Is Here. Hear The Yell. Back To School. Ring The Bell.

Well, yesterday was my baby boy's first day of school. He was so excited to start and even more excited to ride the school bus.
Yesterday, for his first day, Bry & I dropped him off. And I picked him up. I was waiting outside with all of the other parents who dropped off their children. Connor was lead outside with his class in a line by the teacher's aide. Of course, true to form, Connor doesn't stay in line. He runs over to me, where he is promptly ushered back in line. After a firm reminder to stay in line and a few seconds later, Connor is handed off to me. And the aide says, "Mrs. Vettori, will you stay behind a minute? Ms. Lyons (the teacher) would like to speak with you." I say fine, but inside I'm like, "Oh shit. You've gotta be kidding me. Not again. It's only the 1st day." Well, Ms. Lyons comes out & tells me that Connor drank out of an open-top-cup (this was something we had mentioned that needs working on). I was so relieved. So, we head off for home where Connor filled me in on the rest of his day. Here are some photos that document his 1st day and his 1st bus ride.


Hello, Moto

A friend of mine & I were talking the other night. I don't remember how we got on the subject, but we got to talking about 'only children'. She told me about someone she knew who bought her daughter, her 10-year-old daughter, a razor phone. I was stunned. So we began talking about 'what if we had only one child?'.
I asked her, "Well, what if your daughter was it? Do you think you would have done something like that? Or do you think you would want her to learn 'humbleness'?" My friend replied that she would probably buy her daughter a 'go phone' or something like that, but not a pink razor at the age of 10. I agreed. My kids certainly don't want for anything. Even in our somewhat-income-challenged-state. I just don't know how I would be if I had the ways and the means and only one child.
Being an only child (for most of my life)I can say that I was indulged, but not to that extent. I'm not trying to sound judgemental. I'm just wondering what is the motivating factor? Is it that she's an only child? Is it that the parents can, so therefore, they do? Where is the restraint? Where is the end of the line? What if the little girl (and she still is just a little girl) asks for a car at 11 or 12? Will her parents buy her one, just because they can? I mean, if I can't afford something that I consider to be extravagent for my children, I either don't buy it or find a way to buy it. I also try to be objective about what is 'age appropriate'.
It's just a testament to our society today and how much what we consider acceptable has been deemed 'ok' by advertisers, teeny-boppers and trash television. And parents.......we're buying into it.
So much has changed. I mean, the affordable access to such gadgets and technology. It has become socially acceptable and even the norm. Isn't this a little sad??? Isn't it sad that a 10-year-old may be expecting things like this? Rather than being happy to pedal on a bike in the middle of summer to play at her friend's house? Instead, you'll see this same little girl, riding her bike with a pink razor attached to the side of her head. But again, which is more sad? The fact that parents are so indulgent or that the girl desires it?
I don't know. Is this sad? Or am I just old-fashioned and out-dated??

24 - Vettori edition

Here is what has happened in the past 24 or so hours:

*Gracie informed me at about 6 pm last evening she had to 'potty'. She ripped off her diaper, we walked upstairs, she sat on the potty for 2 seconds. She got down and went into her bedroom while I piddled. I walk out of the bathroom to find her on top of her dresser/changing table looking down saying, "Yucky, poopy" where I find a HUGE puddle of pee. I love you, Grace.

*I let Scout out to pee at approx. 7:45ish a.m. whereupon he fled the home. He has not been seen since. This is not his first escape. However, each little escapade is lasting longer and longer. I'm upset, but exasperated with this mutt.

*Connor wakes up as Bry is walking in the door from looking for the said missing mutt. Connor hears that Scout is missing where he promptly and matter-of-factly said, "Mom, you are doing a dog battle. You're having a battle with Scout. Scout is going to win." 4, this kid. He's 4.

*Connor & Bry went out this morning for a first-day-of-school haircut. He looks sexy & fine. For 4, anyway.

*We dropped Connor off for his first day of school. More on this later.

*My mother is apparently the landscape fairy that I had mentioned a few posts back. She hasn't arrived with magical manure. But she has come armed with a weed-eater, pruners, rakes, weed killer and sheer, brute strength. Thanks, Mom.

There's the speedy update. I need drugs.


Free To Good Home

My kids have officially worn out their welcome. I'm tired of all the cute little 'kid' things they do that to others are funny. I'm over it.

*I'd love to go to the bathroom by myself, thank-you-very-much.
*I'd love to take a shower in the steamy, warm goodness without having a child open the door to let a rush of cold air in. Just as I'm stepping into a towel. Thanks.
*I'd love to walk through my livingroom without being maimed, sliced or tripped by all of these freaking toys!
*I'd love to sleep through the night for a week straight.
*I'd love to go to my bedroom and find that that is the one room in the house the kids haven't defiled with their toys, snacks, cups and permanent markers. (every sheet set we own for our room is completely destroyed as of today at 1pm)
*I'd love to have just one TV on in the house with adult programming on. And when I say adult, I don't necessarily mean something along the lines of 'The Throbbit'. I mean, normal programming.
*I'd love to have a clean carpet in my house. Not one that looks like it's been ripped out of a condemned home. Oh, wait.....give this place about another hour & it will be condemned.

Damn kids.

This Post May Make Me Sound Like A Blogging Stalker

Blogging can be so weird. I get up this morning & pop in on my favorites. Or should I say my regulars and one favorite. And on my favorite, I see a comment posted by someone that I've never seen post before & I recognize the name. I showed Bry & explained to him how I new the name. This makes no sense. So, to clarify how weird blogging can be, let me explain how I found my favorite. And then I'll explain the rest.
My brother-in-law has a blog. He's had his for about 2 years. He has a huge list of blogs he reads regularly and from his list of regulars, there were about 3-4 that I would read. One being Jason Sager's blog. One day, while reading this blog, I saw this picture that intrigued me and clicked on it. This picture then led me to what has now become my favorite blog. So, I found my favorite blog via my bro-in-law's blog, via another blog. Make any sense??
Now, the name that I recognized making a comment on my fav. blog is linked on my bro-in-law's blog as well, as one of his regulars. But I don't read her stuff or comment on hers. I'm not linked on my bro-in-law's blog. So, it's not like she reads my stuff and saw the links for my regulars and one fav. And I realize that it's not beyond the realm of possibility for her to find a blog that I happen to read as well. The world seems so huge & if it weren't for blogs or the computer, none of us may have never crossed paths. It just makes me realize that we are really not that far removed from each other. Even complete strangers who know each other through someone else.
There have been so many times when I've been out on a trail, riding & I'll see a 'familiar' face. When, truth-be-told, I only know the face from seeing countless pictures and reading countless stories on my bro-in-law's blog. It really does make me feel like a stalker. Because I could recall in a 2 min. time-span what has been going on in their lives for the past 2 years. And this person has never seen me before. Weird? Yup. I'm not a stalker, really. I just have an uncanny knack for remembering details. And reading a blog is like reading a book. You invest in it, the characters and the message.
So anyway. I just thought it was just a weird co-inky-dink.


I Am Nowhere and It's Now

I have one dose of prednisone left and THANK GOD! I feel like I could run marathon. Which is good, but the problem is that I don't think I would feel satisfied.
This crap (well, that's what I'm blaming it on) is making me feel so keyed up. I feel so restless. Unfortunately, aimless as well. I have nothing to do with this energy & I don't know which bothers me more. The fact that I have all of this energy or the fact that I can't figure out what to do with it. Any other day, I feel completely overwhelmed by all of the things I should be doing. But have the lack of energy or ambition to do them. Today, however, I have the energy and ambition. And well, not much else.


Something From the Bar??

There's nothing like a day of school shopping with a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, an overbearing mother and a husband doing damage control to make you feel like becoming a lush. Mom pushed me over the edge, the kids pushed me over the edge and my husband pushing me, all in the hopes of making me laugh pushed me over the edge. I'm ready to fall into a kiddy pool filled with Gin & Tonic and floating limes.
The only thing I'm looking forward to doing tonight is sitting on my big fat, space station of an ass. And maybe, if he's lucky, my husband.


I Know A Girl. She Puts The Color Inside of My World.

This week, I have posted a lot about Connor. The crazy mom inside of me feels like I have to try to balance things out. So I figured I should do a post about Gracie-goo.
I found out I was pregnant with Grace on a Sunday night in November of '03. The previous evening, I had hosted a party where the conversation had turned to when Bry & I were going to have another baby. I went on and on how Connor was it for us. Well, 24 hours and one pregnancy test later, I was struck with the reality of another baby. Bry & I were freaked.
I was sick almost the entire pregnancy, I felt totally ambviolent about it & was totally devastated when I found out we were having a girl. Fast forward.......
I don't know how I could have ever felt any negative feelings. Things were rough when she was 1st born. With having 2 kids now instead of one and she would only breastfeed. I had never felt so tied to another human being or anything before. But despite these things, which like all things, work themselves out, I fell for her hard.
She is sunshine and life. She's always been happy, content, giggly and strong. She's all girl. She is already a caretaker, quick with a smile, hug and a soft, feminine touch. She lights up every room and can disarm you with her girly essence.
Now that she's two, I really see her personality bloom even more. I thought with having a 2nd child, watching her grow would feel monotonous. But it's been just as exciting. She's her own person, she does things in a completely different way than Connor. Grace and Connor are polar opposites. Everything that he is, she isn't and vice versa.
Watching her grow has been so cool. I can't explain it and this might not make any sense, but it's like we're on the brink of something completely and utterly amazing. I mean, she already is. There's nothing like having children and watching them grow. She's inbetween being a baby & a child. As a baby & toddler she's been nothing but a joy. So, watching her grow into a young girl is.....on the brink.
I'm so thrilled that she enjoys being near me at all times. I know that in time, that will change. I try to enjoy it while I have it. I can't relate to all of the girly-girl stuff. It's not my scene. But I love watching the world through her eyes and relating to a female that is of my own flesh and blood.

You Used to Major In Horticulture?

Yeah, if you can believe it. I love it. However, if you drove by my house, you'd choke on your Coke. I have weeds growing everywhere. I can't keep it under control. And you know what? I don't want to. My own yard is work. Someone else's yard is, well, fun. You ask me to come and help you with your yard and I'll bust my ass. You'd be surprised how immersed I get into it. I can see nothing else or hear anything else. I'm completely gone. I love to dabble in designs, colors and different plant materials. I love getting dirty, sweating, being in the sun & working hard. But not in my own yard. Is that totally f'd up or what?? So, while my front yard looks like the one that belongs to the token eccentric/witch lady that haunts every neighborhood in the movies, I'd love to make yours look good.
It really bothers me that I refuse to spend time or $ on my yard. I don't like to go outside or let the kids go outside because it's such a nightmare. And everytime I look at it, I get so overwhelmed. And, it's not even a big yard. In fact, it's about the size of one square of toilet paper. Ugh, it just grosses me out. Who knows? Maybe one morning, I'll wake up & find the yard fairy has come and sprinkled her magical manure on my yard & made it beautiful & lucious.


Side Note #2 - Literally

Now I have gas that should be illegal in 48 states. Thanks for that, doc. Yes, my ear is not freakishly swollen, or red. But thanks to prednisone & cipro I have gas that would make my husband proud. But not really. He's scared. Very scared.

The 10-ton Weight On My Back Has Been Reduced to 5

Connor at 3 and 1/2: a self-portrait.

Our meeting went well & Connor got in. I'm not going to beat a dead horse. Everyone involved in the meeting was great, our contact fought hard for Connor & upon hearing he got in, I welled up with tears. I'm so relieved and happy. The teacher seems like a good match, as well as the school in general. Bry & I are stoked. He's going to be riding a regular school bus & even have his very own little locker.
I know that I may not be the most patient, affectionate parent. That at times, I'm short on all of the things that I should be. However, a mom/parent knows what's best for their child. I/We have been questioned regarding our steps to help Connor. We have been told we're crazy & that "he's just a boy." Astute observation. He is a boy. I can look back on this whole thing & say I did my job. I knew what was best for our son. I/We have fought hard for our son. And all of our fighting & all of our hard work has paid off. So THERE. (hehe, just messin')

Here are some tidbits from the mind of Connor that he felt comfortable enough to share with me today:

Connor: "Mom, do a lot of people in this world drive Hummer's?"
Me: "Unfortunately, yes, Connor. A lot of people in this world do drive Hummer's."


Connor: "Mom, will you tell my teacher at the new school to tell the kids not to call Connor, me, a loser."
Me: (welling up with tears)"Who has called you a loser Connor?
Connor: "No one. But it is a most important job to tell the teacher so that the kids won't call me a loser."
(this one will haunt me forever, I think.)


Connor: "Mom, is a wig, hair?"
Me: "Yes, Connor. A wig is like hair."
Connor: "Just for Halloween?"
Me: "Well, sometimes. But, some people who don't have a lot of hair or no hair. Well, they might want to have hair. So, they wear a wig."

Ok, so I mean, he's not proving theorems or coming up with rocket science. But jeez-louise. What the frig? This kid. I know every mom thinks their kid is amazing. And all kids are. But I can't get enrolled in classes quick enough to have a leg up on this kid!!


I'm Sick and Confused

For the past 2 & 1/2 days I have been fighting a losing battle with my left ear. It has been hurting and there is a lump in it. I thought that I had a pimple in my ear. Totally gross. I know. But by yesterday, I realized that this was either a)the BIGGEST pimple on the face of the earth, 2)I have a tumor or D)there was something else amiss. So, last night I try to fall asleep and it hurts so bad. It feels like it's swollen all the way through my canal. I fall asleep for about 2 hrs and am awoken by pain and Gracie crying. Bry helps Gracie out, I head into the bathroom & discover my ear is freakishly swollen, red, hot and just nasty. I make my way downstairs, prop my head up with the biggest pillow I can find & fall off to sleep. I wake up with still the nasty cauliflower ear thing going on & now I can't freaking hear out of it. I say to Bry, "Uh. What should I do?" He's like, "Uh, yeah. Go.........to......the doctor?" I was like, "I'll feel like an idiot if I go in there & he says to me, 'It's a pimple.'" Which I knew it wasn't, but there's still an ounce of doubt in me. Blah, blah, blah. I get to the doc & he looks in the good ear, then looks in the bad ear and says, "You're canal is 90% blocked. The infection is spreading to the other one. This left one though, is like....WOW." He says it's an infection, but doesn't believe it originated in the ear. So, he sends me on my way with anitbiotics and a steroid, and asks me to come back in a week. Needless to say, I'm feeling wonderful. I'm tired, but can't sleep. I think I'm amped up from the steroids. I come home, lay down & the phone rings. It's the coordinator from the special needs program I've been dealing with regarding Connor. We begin to 'touch base' on some things regarding our meeting for Connor tomorrow. She can't tell me anything either way and it's not sounding good as far as getting him into the new preschool program. She said that based on his evaluation, which was adminstered last November, everything looks too good. That we really have to emphasize what a rough time Connor had in school, his recent diagnosis, sensory issues, and his inability to cross over his OT skills into a school environment. She also said that if Connor doesn't get the ok to enroll in this program, then he is not eligible for anymore services. Great. She said that if they deny us, we can request another evaluation, but that could take goodness-knows- how-long. I just didn't end that phone conversation with the most optimistic feeling. I'm completely frustrated by this whole process. It's literally, been a 10 month process to get services, get a diagnosis & get to this point of even having a meeting. And I just am completely frustrated by the fact that it is in the realm of possibility that Connor get kicked out into a mainstream program where he will flounder yet again. I can't go through another school year like we did last year and I certainly cannot see him go through what he went through again. Ugh. Frustrating and confusing. So, please keep your fingers crossed for Connor tomorrow.


Side Note

My dog has gas that should be illegal in 48 states.

Lend Me Cheney's Bunker For A Week, Will Ya??

What is it with me? Now, remember. I've warned you all. I'm PMS'ing. And there is a chain of events that unfold every month that lead to the eruption of Mt. Bitchtabitha. I don't even realize it. I truly, truly have absolutely NO control. The only thing there is to do is put your nuclear reactive suits on and brace yourselves. I feel so sorry for my family. Really. Here's what happens:
I begin to get really tired - for no good reason.
I get very moody and irritated at the tiniest infraction, slight, strange look, or touch.
I want to eat EVERYTHING in sight.
My bumbo's (connor's word for boobs) become tender.
My stomach begins to feel upset.
I start obsessing about clutter, dishes, piles of laundry, how disgusting the house is. How I can't stand to live in a pig-sty, etc, etc.
I scream at the kids and tell them, "I'm tired of it!!!!" (whatever it happens to be).
And then I begin to clean like I'm the Tazmanian Devil on crack, speed and heroin.

It's really ridiculous. I mean, people think PMS is a cop-out. But it's REAL, baby. Ask my husband and my kids. I know that I need to suck it up. But it gets so bad. I feel like it's best for everyone if I go and hide in a bunker for about a week and then re-emerge. And like I said, I don't even realize it's happening until 'it' begins. Ugh.
So, if you see my wonderful husband OR my kids. Give them a hug, a smile and a pat on the back. Tell them everything will be ok. They'll need to hear a kind word or two to get them through this.

Watch Out!

Look, just so you all know.....not that I have a huge readership. But I'm on a PMS rollercoaster that is bound to take out a small village or 2. So, hang in there. This week may make for some interesting posting. Just know that some evil force has invaded and is taking over my body for the next few days or so. Poor Bryan. It's not looking good for him this week, either.

To Whom It May Concern

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. And don't mistake my blind-eye for stupidity.


Whirled Peas

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about many of life's little dramas. And we both agreed that we (her & I) can laugh at just about anything. That in fact, we have to. It's the only way to cope. And I've used this blog, so far, to try and laugh through many things. I try to stay light-hearted. I've tried, so far, to keep things light, not get into personal feelings regarding politics, religion and other 'hot topics.'
However, these things have been weighing on me. And I just get so infuriated. I get infuriated that our country has re-elected such an idiot. I admit, that months after 9/11, I rooted for W to invade Iraq. I was a new mother & I felt like he was protecting my baby. But seriously, after my new mommy haze wore off, I saw things for what they were/are. And since then, I have felt so helpless and angry watching such a great country filled with great people get thrown under the bus, bottled up in a barrel of oil and sold. For what? $3-something a gallon? Is it worth it? Are we really serving the greater good here or what? Are we really a nation that is prided on being humanitarian and enforcing peace? I used to think that. Not anymore.
I've watched an actual city, I mean an actual city and the people of that city left for dead. And these are things that are just happening here. I'm not talking about some city in Iraq. I'm talking about NOLA.
We are so hypnotized by mindless, ridiculous television. War images are kept from us. The truth is kept from us. But it IS out there.
You know, I just don't feel like it's our job to force 'democracy' or religion on another country, let alone individuals. I believe in humanitarianism. I believe in an equal quality of life for man and woman. I believe that sometimes, war is inevitable and at times, just. But we also need to be a model.

This administration - this "president" (I use that term loosely) swears to end the 'war on terror' and that the 'evil-doers' will come to justice. Well, who really, is invoking terror and really who seems to be evil? Now, I'm not saying there are no terrorists. I mean, how can I reflect on 9/11 and honestly not think that? I know it's there. But our own government is provoking terror in us. They use that terror on those of us who have children. Isn't that so easy to do? I mean, that's who the voting base was for W's election in 'o4, Where his big numbers were. And there is something sinister about taking an alternative life-style group, and using them as a platform? How can a 'christian' say well, God loves this group, but not this one? Isn't that what judgement day is all about? Is it our place to say what God would want????? Why can't we just love each other as brother and sister? Isn't that what God would want us to do???????????
I guess basically all I'm saying is that the way things are going, isn't good. Duh, right? I know George Bush thinks that oil is worth fighting for. But what about us? Don't we think that WE are worth fighting for? Aren't our waterways and our air worth fighting for? Isn't TRUTH in our own government worth fighting for? Our children's futures? No brainer. What about upholding social programs, the elderly, the poor (and there will be more poor in this country than ever before. Just wait). Our education system, our healthcare, our OWN RIGHT TO DIE? What about being able to talk on the phone? I mean, how simple is that one? But we're so content to watch 'American Idol' and and drive in our big SUV's, live in our big houses, using up resources and energy like it's candy, eating crap food which poisons us. Salvation a la mode and a cup of tea. Yeah. Let's wake up.
My dream for my children & this country is Peace. Why is it too much to ask for basic peace? What about humanity, humbleness, and love? Why are these things so hard?? Things we learn about before the age of 8? Supposedly, anyway.

Listen, we need to be inspired. We need to be led, we need to be organized. For right now, this is what I can do. This post. Here are some songs that get me inspired that I thought I'd share.

Peace Train - Cat Stevens (I'm sure I'll get a few comments on this one!)
Get Up, Stand Up - Bob Marley and the Wailers
Talkin' bout a Revolution - Tracy Chapman
Imagine - John Lennon
Teach Your Children - Crosby, Stills & Nash
Redemption Song - Bob Marley and the Wailers
With My Own Two Hands - Jack Johnson feat. Ben Harper
3 R's - Jack Johnson


It's Been A Quiet Week In Lake Wobegon...

Not much to report this week. I realized last night, while trying to close my mind down from any thought while trying to fall asleep, that I need a little Garrison Keillor action. I need to hear what's going on down at the Sidetrack Tap. I need to drift mindlessly through the town of Lake Wobegon via Garrison Keillor's velvety voice. It would do me some good to listen to the gossip of a simple, fictitous town. Where the women are strong, the men are good looking and the children are...above average.



This week, I've been very reflective regarding my son. We have a meeting next week to determine what preschool he will be in for the '06-'07 school year. This is, sort of, the end of a VERY long process and an even longer, exhausting year.
The past year was a rough one in regards to Connor. We struggled with his behavior, he had a very rough school year, he had appendicitis in early Spring, potty training troubles, tense home situation (at times), and a recent diagnosis of ADHD and Sensory Processing issues.
Many poo-poo ADHD. And I have to say that I'm of the school of thought that it seems over-diagnosed & too many kids are medicated. However, I've known since Connor was about 6 months old, that this diagnosis would be in his future. No biggie.
Connor, in utero was active. I knew then what I was in for. Even my labor with him was an insight into things to come.
Connor, as an infant, was such a joy(and he still is). He was mostly happy, loved attention, friendly, and active. However, he could be difficult, demanding and hard to please. I thought this was just him being a baby. But it was clear to me, over time, that nothing and I mean nothing, held his attention for more than 5 seconds. But yet, he was interested in everything.
Connor is bright, intelligent, inventive, friendly (still), caring, compassionate, and sensitive. And this year has made all of those characteristics even more evident.
I can, most of the time, be as territorial as a Momma Lion when it comes to him. He has been through so much. And I do want him to learn from his experiences, but at the same time, I've seen him labeled and judged just because he and his behaviors were misunderstood. This is hard for a mom to digest. I already feel overprotective just because he's my kid. But given what he's been through, I'm even more so. It's a constant balance of fighting for him when it's time to fight & internalizing the rest.
We've worked hard as a family through his behavioral counseling and OT to get things as much on track as possible. To give him an extra push and help early on. Without having to rely on meds. We've seen big changes in Connor and even ourselves.
I'm hoping that we qualify for getting him into a preschool better suited to meet his needs. He's asking about going to school, which is a good thing. I am excited about getting him into a school where he can flourish. And just be Connor.
So many of these kids are labeled as 'bad' and 'disruptive'. But really, if you take an extra 10 seconds to look beyond what they can't control, I think you'd find the smartest, sweetest, most imaginitive kids. These kids just take an investment. And one that most people aren't willing to give. It's a lot of work. I constantly question myself & feel like I fail on a daily basis to give him what he needs. I know that I can always do more. I just hope that I'm guiding him in the proper ways and hope that all of the things I have to offer will mean something in the long run.
I know that, in the grand scheme of things, what we're battling isn't major. We are fortunate. We are fortunate to have two healthy, happy, bright kids. I have to remind myself that I'm fortunate that Connor doesn't ever sit still. Even in his sleep. This is a blessing, really. I complain that he doesn't ever stop talking, that I can't keep up with him and he out-thinks me. Really though, isn't that more than I could have ever asked for?????
I learn more from Connor everday. Everyday, he lets me in a little more to his depths. And as scary as it can seem sometimes, I love the adventure. And I wake up everyday, ready for more.

Must Haves and Can't Stands

Tabitha likes:
ice cream, good music, deep-muscle back rubs, being outside, newly vaccume'd carpets, pulling the covers up to my chin, passionate people, smiles, hugs, books, fabric, the sound of horns (i.e trumpets, trombones, saxophones) in music, goosebumps, coffee, brand new boxes of crayons, (how old am I, really?), breakfast, Gin and Tonic

Tabitha dislikes:
people who don't stand for anything, cottonballs, simple spelling mistakes, using words in the wrong context, the feel of clothes or towels (especially towels) with no fabric softener, the feel of chalk, MICE, MICE, MICE, clutter.


Someone PLEASE Put Me Out of My Misery

UUuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhh!! I'm not feeling well. My sinuses/allergies are really acting up. My head is hurting so bad because of all of the pressure. I think I would pay someone to put a hole in my head to relieve some of the pressure. I can't even see straight. My teeth are beginning to hurt because of all of the pain. I've been waking up every morning with a horrible sore throat. And my chest is beginning to feel tight. Wonderful. I hate to complain. But I can't get no relief.
Anyway, I barely have a clear enough train of thought to put together these sentences. So, I've not been in a blog-state-of-mind. Here is something to get you thinking, laughing or shaking your head:

The other day I was on the phone with my friend Becky. We were talking about all of the crap that has been going on with Isreal/Lebanon, and the plot that was thwarted in London or whatever. So she says to me, "You know, I think that anybody that is getting on a plane should have to take off all of their clothes and be required to wear a hospital gown. They can wear underwear, but they can only wear a hospital gown." This had me cracking up. Just the visual of everyone on a plane wearing hospital gowns.

***************THE REST OF THIS IS NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY********************

Becky has been such a source of comedy for me lately. She has been begging her husband to hang up these curtain rods for her for awhile. Everytime she asks him to do it, well, he doesn't. She's having this big party for her son this weekend & needs these curtain rods hung. Like now. So, her & I are on the phone talking about these curtain rods. Well, actually, we're talking about her husband having to hang these curtain rods. I said, "Becky, can't you just bribe him with sex? Tell him he won't get any 'til he hangs these freaking curtain rods!" She's like, "Oh no. That just wouldn't work. It's not enough." I said, "Ok. Tell him you'll perform a certain 'job' if he'll hang these rods." She's like, "Yeah, I think I'm going to have to." So, we chuckle and head off into a different topic of conversation.
The following day, Becky & I are talking again. I ask her about the curtain rods. She's like, "YES! He finally put up the curtain rods. And last night, I f*cked his brains out!"
Hilarious. She's freaking hilarious.

**Names have been changed to protect the guilty.


May I Have Some of Your Tasty Beverage to Wash Down My Salad With??

I had the most delicious lunch today. It was so good that I'm still thinking about it. I should've taken a picture of it. How was I to know that it would make this much of a lasting impression. Albeit, blogworthy. Therefore, picture worthy. I didn't know.
I didn't know.
Ok. Lunch. It was made up of normal salad greens (i.e. a typical house salad type blend). I prefer darker greens, like a spring mix or baby spinach (I'm not complaining - just illustrating that for it not being my salad greens of choice & it was still so good). Then, I added some home-grown, organic cherry tomatoes from my step-father's garden, some taco mix shredded cheese, some left-over roasted chicken from the previous night's dinner, and buttermilk ranch (and again, I have to point out that my dressing of choice is chianti red-wine vinegar with extra-virgin olive oil). That's it. It was BLAZING good. As illustrated by the fact that I ate that at 11:30 a.m. and it is now 9:33 p.m.

Romp Around Middlerun

If I had to describe my soul in a picture, this would be it. This is just so beautiful to me. When I hit this field section today I felt like I had just come home.

So whenever I get out on my bike I usually head out to White Clay. It's fast, it's fun and I know the trails like the back of my hand. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. Good because when I'm short on daylight, I can time a quick ride based on my knowledge of the trails. Bad because I'm tired of riding the same thing...over and over and over and over. Well, you get the picture. I'm bored. I love White Clay, don't get me wrong. But I need a change. Here's the problem with trying somewhere new: A)Getting lost - and by yourself at that. I get freaked when I'm lost out there by myself. If I have company-no biggie. 2)Sunset - usually I'm squeezing in a ride after Bry gets home which means (even in summertime) that daylight is scarce and getting lost in the woods, by myself is NOT on my list of things to do.
This morning I was determined to get out there. Bry is working 2nd shift, which gave me the childcare I needed to get a ride in early in the day. WOOOHOOO! Well, I was short the $3 to pay for parking at White Clay so it was inevitable that I hit Middlerun.
What you have to understand is that, for whatever reason, Middlerun is extremely problematic for me. Here's why: I don't know my way around all that well (I have the worst sense of direction EVER) and there are descents that literally make my legs quiver with fright and almost get me hyperventilating. This picture is that of my old foe. I've yet to ride this downhill. It doesn't look like much, but it freaks me the hell out. It's loose rock/dirt, mixed with big rocks and some roots. That combo is enough to make me shit in my shorts. It's totally a mental thing. But I am mental.
I was pleased with the ride today because I actually muddled through a manageable loop. I got a little lost & back tracked, but not much. I even managed to find the elusive Dragon's Back trail - or whatever it's called - that Diane was so kind to show me the last time we were out there together. Here is another looker that I have yet to ride. In fact, the first time I stacked it was at these here logs.

People don't understand, unless they ride themselves, when I say "I'm going for a bike ride." They think I'm hopping on a beach cruiser bike and pedaling around the neighborhood. I'm not trying to say I'm this big pro bike rider person. Because the truth is that I can barely get clipped in. But it's not what most people think it is. So I thought I'd share with those of you who know I ride, but don't understand......

Riding does something that no other sport or physical activity has done. I've actually lost weight from it this year. I feel alive when I'm doing it. It makes me sweat like nothing else does. It breaks me down like nothing else. When I come home after riding, I feel tiredly content. I notice that I'm a much nicer, happier person when I ride. And Bryan would probably say that he notices I put out more when I ride. And, 'tis true! Riding bikes..........good. Not riding bikes.........bleck.


A Mother's 'SuperSense'

They don't tell you when you're pregnant that, after a baby, your senses become heightened in a way that you never would have imagined. If your kids feel pain, you feel that pain 10 fold. If your kids find joy in something, you find joy. For example, when our cranky little Connor-man was 1st introduced to a baby swing - and loved it- WE loved it!
I mean, you just don't realize how many things you are suddenly in-tune with. Like how you're the 1st one in a crowded room to detect even the slightest smell of poop. People look at you like you have 3 heads after they hear you say, "I smell poop." Because well, no one else can smell it yet. You also can detect within a 1 minute time period that you're sleeping child will soon wake up totally pissed off(well as pissed of as a newborn can get. Which is, to be completely honest, pretty pissed off) just because of the way they sigh in their sleep or keep repositioning their head. You also are intensly aware of your breasts (I think especially if you're breastfeeding) and expressly forbid your husband to even look at them, let alone touch. Or anything else for that matter.
As they get older, you within 5 minutes of waking up, know if it's going to be a blissful day or a day where you are contemplating downing a whole bottle of vodka before 10 a.m. You know what your kids going to ask for before they even speak it. You can see it in their eyes as they begin to say, "Mommy, I'd like candy for breakfast today." It really is, almost along the lines of a superhero sensibility. It all becomes second nature. Until one day.....when you are reminded once again just how scary you are in your mom 'supersense'.
This morning, for example, I was sleeping on the couch as usual. Bry & Connor are awake and hanging out at the computer. Now mind you, I'm like on the cusp of sleep. So, not awake, but not in REM sleep, either. But I would say I was asleep. So, Bry is engrossed in his RPG and Connor is sitting behind him, watching his Daddy throw spells at orcs or trolls or what-have-you. And I keep hearing this little voice say, "This is damn. This is so damn. Jake said that the portal is damn." Basically, damn, damn damn. I squint in the direction of my husband and cute son & say to Bryan, "Uh, honey? Do you hear what he is saying?" To which I get this response: "No. I mean, I heard him saying something, but I didn't know what." Granted, Bry had headphones on, but I was certain that the volume wasn't too loud. Anywhoo. Connor repeated what he was saying & Bryan told him that it wasn't nice & not to say it again. Mission Accomplished. Threat thwarted.
So, this brings me back around to the 'supersense'. I couldn't believe that, while being on the cusp of sleep, I was that in tune to my child's voice or my child's presence. I'm not trying to say that I'm this amazingly amazing person. I'm just saying that women as mothers are amazing. That this sense that we are given upon having children is pretty cool.
And that, my friends, is why they call me................Mrs. Incredible!


An Invitation to Jen R.

I've been meaning to respond to your comment about riding. I would LOVE to ride sometime. Email me at the following address and we'll try to hook up or something!! woooooohooooooo!



Songs Which Instantly Trigger Memories

There are a quite a few songs that as soon as I hear them conjure up an instant memory or reminds me of one something in particular. Here are some that I can recall at the moment:

*American Girl - always reminds me of 'Silence of the Lambs'.
*Sweet Home Alabama - always reminds me of 'Forrest Gump'.
*The Entire 'Feels Like Home' album by Norah Jones - reminds me of when Gracie was 1st born and I listened to it to chill her out.
*Let's Dance - reminds me of my Uncle and Aunt's wedding (which was in 1983?). They are no longer married :(
*The Entire "Parachutes" album by Coldplay - reminds me of countless hours spent doing 'nothing' in Bryan's room when we 1st started dating.
*Tiny Dancer - always reminds me of 'Almost Famous'
*Sound of Silence - reminds me of 'Old School' when Frank shoots himself in the neck w/ the tranquilizer dart & falls in the pool at the birthday party.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I know there are more. I know this a totally lame post, but it's all I've got today.

Do you have any you'd like to share???


Gracie's Handi-work

This is how Gracie chose to spend her time (with one of those big, fat permanent markers) while mommy was busy blogging this morning. Yes. I was blogging. This does not include the drawings on the hardwood floor in our bedroom, the area rug under our bed, and her sheets.
I think repainting is in order. How can something so cute be so destructive?!

The True Genius of J.K. Rowling

I'm a huge Harry Potter fan. When the 1st movie came out, I totally poo-pooed the whole thing. I would laugh at adults who enjoyed it. I thought it was just a silly children's book. I've never really been into the whole magic/fantasy thing. And I guess it's because I just never gave it a chance. However, I finally broke down and watched the 1st movie a few months after it's release & have been hooked on Harry movies and books ever since.
Today, I've had the most geekiest of geeky revelations & think I have come to understand the true genius of J.K. Rowling. Here are a list of a few items/spells which I think she created as a result of being a mom who needs a helping hand from time-to-time:

*Invisiblity Cloak - for when you want to sneak off to the bathroom by yourself (this almost NEVER happens otherwise), you want to enjoy that bowl of ice cream without sharing one stinking bite with the kids or you and your husband need a nooner.

*Pensieve - for when your mind gets too clouded with all of the details, thoughts and memories that we try to carry around and call upon later. After all, once you become pregnant it's a fact that your brain is sucked of it's memory and full potential.

*Polyjuice Potion - for when you want to create the illusion of those other mom's/women who have it totally together, to act out fantasies with your husband by you or him taking on the form of someone else OR when you want to momentarily see what it's like for your child to be like the 'normal' kids in playgroup.

*Marauder's Map - for when all you want to do is lay down or blog, you can use the map to see where your children are in the house without getting up & to see what they are up to.

*Accio Charm - again, for when all you want to do is lay down or blog & need to call upon certain items without getting up. You can 'Accio, cup of milk' or 'Accio pint of beer at 10:30a.m.' or 'Accio diapers and wipes from babies' room upstairs.'

*Transfiguration - for when you want to escape for a minute, take on the form of an animal or other object to see what your kids really do when left alone OR see what your husband really does or doesn't do when left alone with the kids.

*House Elf - You know how all of those feasts magically appear in the Great Hall at meal times at Hogwarts? Wouldn't it be great to have a House Elf just magically come up with all of the meals and menus and unload all of the laundry/dishes????

I'm sure there are many, many more that I've missed. But these are just the obvious ones to me. The woman is a freaking genius. I just wish these things were possible! A girl can dream, can't she?


Is 'It' In You?

Sweetmotherofabrahamlincoln! I'm SO freaking happy! I have FINALLY discovered a drink, other than milk, that Connor will drink. I know you're thinking, "Yeah, so what?" You don't understand. We're going through a gallon of milk a day. He's constipated between withholding his poo and drinking nothing but milk. He absolutely WILL NOT drink juice. And now, after years of trying to get him to drink anything other than milk, I've found another sweet elixir for which to quench his thirst with! ORANGE GATORADE. Who woulda thunk it? And the reason this bottle to the left is 3/4 of the way empty? That's right. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Connor drank it. Go Connor, get your drink on! Go, go, go!

We Miss You

Well, I wanted to do this really cool post regarding an IM conversation that Alex & I were having about Connor's potty progress, but the picture I need to do it won't cooperate. So I want to take a moment to reflect on our friends across the pond, Liz & Al. We miss them terribly. They are such great friends and we have felt a void since Al has moved. However, we are happy that they are happy and wish nothing but the best for them. I feel like a total nutter (which I am) when I was at Al's parent's house the last time & saw a picture of Liz and Alex and started welling up with tears. Friends like them don't come around very often. And we're lucky enough to call them that. Friends.

Now that the soft & mushies are out of the way, Alex, Bry is VERY concerned about the fact that you are driving in London. I mean, considering, your track record here in the states & all. But he's thinking that you might be ok, because you're used to driving on the 'wrong side of the road'! Kidding, sweetie. You know we love ya's!

I'm a race car in the red. Do you know what happens to a race car in the red???

Here we go. My morning. Bryan & I have been flying through a shit storm in a toilet paper rocket the past few weeks. However, despite all of that, we've been remaining pretty positive. But today. This morning. I'm freaking losing it! Here is what has pushed me over the edge:

Voice-activated phone menus. On paper, they sound great. But when you have 2 screaming kids and you're trying to navigate through your banking information via a voice-activate menu, it DOESN'T FREAKING WORK!! Can someone please fix these things???? Can't we just hear the information & not be taken back to the start menu over and over just because I've cleared my throat OR because one of my kids decides at that moment that they need to climb back in the womb?!?!?!?! I know, I know. This is minimal in the grand scheme of what could be wrong. But it's just an annoyance that I could live without. And the thing is, that this happens EVERYTIME I check my bank information. I've kept my patience for 2 years now & today I've HAD MY FREAKING FILL OF IT!!!!
Sincerely Yours,

Let's move on to my next complaint. My kids and their lack of interest in a)Going to bed at a reasonable hour, 2)taking over my bed and pushing me to the couch, D)now taking over the couch, but can't take back my bed because one of the kids and the dog is still taking over the bed. I'm too tired to move the kids. I'm out of it. I have no idea what is going on, all I know is that an empty space calls for me at night & I go to it. Bry is too tired to even know what the hell is going on, he doesn't even budge. I'm on my own. I am so very tired.

Lastly, (well, there's more to complain about, but nothing worth hearing - not that these are either) I've had a headache for over a week now with NO relief. And if you know anything about me, I don't get 'headaches'. I'm tired of popping advil/ibuprofen. And if you know anything else about me it's that, I hate taking medication. I hate pumping that stuff into my body. Will someone please make a small crack in my skull to relieve some of the pressure?

Again, I know in the grand scheme of things, things could be worse. I know I've got it pretty good. And again, these are just annoyances that I could live without.

AAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..........that feels better. I'm sure I'll get another 'whaa' comment from anonymous and who knows, the 'World at Large' may even pay me another visit. But you know what??????? Everybody has to vent once-in-awhile.


When I'm 64

Let me start off by saying that I have a most sick, inappropriate sense of humor. If you are a person who is sensitive and all 'PC' don't continue to read this post. Not that what I'm about to say is totally offensive, but some out there will probably think this is just wrong.
Today, I'm in the car, driving to playgroup with the kids. On the sidewalk, to our right, is an elderly fellow walking with a walker and I believe, an oxygen tank. I was thinking to myself, "Good for him. He's not letting his age keep him down! He's out, he's walking, getting some exercise and fresh air. Way to go, Pops!" At the same time, I look at the on-coming lane and here is a car FULL of blue-haired ladies w/ the handicap sticker dangling from the rearview mirror, in some type of Oldsmobile or some such Granny car. They looked cute, chatting it up in their car, on their way to breakfast or what-have-you. And I wonder as they're passing Pops, who is walking on the opposite side of the road, do they check him out? Do they giggle about his bitchin' walker or other attributes he may or may not have? Does one blue-haired lady say to the other, "He'll need that oxygen when I'm done with him!" Do they check out his medical stockings and think, "He's got it going on!"? When does this kind of juvenile sexuality stop? You would think, being the animals that we really are, that even with age, those insticts still preside. No matter the age. Or is it a sign that I am really.....I mean really sick-o? I guess it just gets me wondering about whether I will still harbor those 'naughty' adolescent thoughts. To be even more sick than I already am, I hope so. I hope that in 40 years or so I still act like a schoolgirl every-so-often and giggle like one at inappropriate moments. I hope that at that point in my life, the thougth or sight of old-man Bry walking with his bitching walker and hot medical stockings gets me all revved up and randy. I think that is where my youth will lie.


The Man of Her Dreams Comes to Break the Spell

"Oh, I love you baby. More than the whole wide world. I'm your woman. You know you are my pearl. so let's go out past the party lights, where we can finally be alone. Come with me. We can take the long way home. Come with me, together, we can take the long way home." ~Norah Jones "The Long Way Home"

It's way past bed-time. I'm tired. Crazy tired. But yet, can't find it in me to sleep. I almost feel like a force is pulling on me, but where it's pulling me, I don't know.
I think what is pulling at me is thoughts of my Bry. All that he is doing to try to make sure we survive. He gives so much so selflessly, to ensure my happiness. And the happiness of our wee litt'l tykes. Days, weeks go by with him working so hard, giving so much and I never stop to say how much it means to me. I think you (i.e we as humans) enter into relationships with best of intentions, and just through the toils of daily living - surviving - you take each other for granted.
There's a lot that I'm not sure of. Even more that I'll never know. But what I do know is how that man makes me feel. Like the most loved, desireable, beautiful, crazy woman in the world. I know that I love him like I've loved no other. He is my strength, my comfort, my distraction. He knows me like no other. He knows what I'm thinking by the way I sigh, the way I roll my eyes, or smile in that coy way. He knows that I stand for good, that I always want to be fair and just. He also understands that that look on my face isn't a mad or sad face. It's just the way my face is. He knows more than anyone, how hard I am on myself. How I expect so much from myself and therefore, expect so much from others.
What he doesn't know is how in his eyes, I get lost and saw there, for the first time in my life, true happiness.
Does he drive me up a freaking wall? Abso-f*cking-lutely. Does he do little things that are nothing, but make me want to rip his toenails off? Damn skippy. But I couldn't live without those annoyances. He is more than I imagined I'd ever have.

"There is beauty in that silver singing river. There is beauty in that sunrise in the sky. But none of these and nothing else can touch the beauty that I remember in my true love's eye." ~Nickel Creek "Tomorrow is a Long Time"

Things Keeping Me Occupied This Summer - Part Dos

If you have just checked out my blog, I did a post like this once before. Unfortunately, I deleted my blog accidentally on purpose. Ha! So, here ya go, if you're interested in what is keeping me occupied right now.

Charting the times Connor has a BM. Glamorous, I know.
Charting Connor's 'sitting' times on the potty.
Rewarding Connor for sitting on the potty.
Reminding Connor that even if he poos in his pull-up, it must be done in the bathroom.
Yelling at my kids.
Reading to the kids.
Trying to remain patient, positive and calm in dealing with my 2 year old GIRL. This is terribly difficult.

Do I really need to say? It should be a given.

Memoirs of a Geisha, Chocolat, Benchwarmers, Amelie, Blow, Cindarella Man

Memoirs of a Geisha. Just finished 'Wonderful Wizard of Oz', Dress Your Family in Curduroy and Denim, Snow Falling on Cedars, and Holidays on Ice.

Anything that is somewhat funny/interesting. I'm a TV whore right now.

Anything negative and victimizes ME, apparently. HAHAHA. Kidding.
When is the next time I can ride my bike?
Where is the next place I can ride my bike?
How did George Bush get re-elected?
What is that weird smell when I walk in the house?
I need a weed-eater.
Why didn't I win the Powerball?
How did George Bush get re-elected?
Why do my kids get on my nerves so much?
Are my boobs really getting smaller?
How did George Bush get re-elected?

"I'm flypaper for freaks." - Beth Zamara on attracting crazy people. (Which doesn't speak well of me.) Read Post titled 'Still Crazy After All These Years' to confirm my craziness.
"Emanicapte yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds." - Bob Marley 'Redemption Song'
"I have news for you." - Connor Vettori, 4, upon telling me I needed to get him more milk in his cup.

Patty Can You Hear Me???

I haven't talked to my best bud, my partner-in-crime, my confidant, my mentor, my hero in about 3 days. I'm starting to get the shakes, and am breaking into a cold sweat. If you have seen Pat, please tell her that I need a hit of conversation!
I need to spew some of my apparent negativity.

Random Story #1

Our front window has a pretty large windowsill. I guess it would be called recessed or whatever. Well, my kids LOVE to stand in the window and hide behind the curtains. This drives me absolutely insane, but they still do it from time to time. What also drives me up a wall is that, from time to time, they do this naked. You see, my kids love to be nude.
So, one day, Charley (the head coach from the Wrestling team Bry assists with) has to stop by to pick up keys to the weight room. After some time, we look outside and see Charley parked across the street. He obviously was having a tough time finding our house. Meanwhile, Gracie is in the window, with a dripping popcicle, and no shirt on. Bry heads outside to exchange keys with Charley and I'm totally embarrassed that he stops by & sees our daughter in the window.
When Bry comes back in the house, I ask him if Charley saw Gracie in the window. Bry said, "Yeah. He said he wasn't sure which house it was & then he saw her in the window & figured this was it."


It's All Good

I'm an idiot, Jon. Thanks for being one of 3-4 faithful readers. We love ya.

You Fondle My Trigger, Then You Blame My Gun

You know, I am just so tired of trying to keep the peace, keeping my mouth shut (against my better judgement) when you mess with my kids. You can say whatever you want about me, I don't really care. Don't mess with my kids. Also, don't be surprised, when you do mess with my kids, that I unleash my guns. You back me into a corner & you're surprised when I fight?? And then after many of your cruelties, I've kept my mouth shut & I finally go off & I'm the bitch, the asshole, the loose cannon? Yeah, sure. No problem. If that means that my kids are spared your sickness, I'll wear all of those hats and more.

I just get sick of people pushing and pushing. I keep taking it & taking it. And at last, when I've had my share, I decide to take a stand & ka-boom. And everone stands there with a deer in headlights look. You weren't expecting it? Oh no? I'm so sorry. HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE?????

Aaaaaah, that feels better. Demon purged. I repeat, demon purged. For now, anyway.


Get Up Off Of That Thing

It's amazing how a little thing like a day below 100 degrees can make a person feel so much better after a loooooooong, crappy week.
Today was beyond gorgeous & it felt good to be soaking up the sun, swimming in the pool with the kids, mowing the grass & hanging the clothes out on the line. Got A LOT of sun today & I feel like it has given me a 150% energy boost. My outlook has done a 180 and after being slammed with a lot of crap this week, my attitude is renewed. The only thing missing was a good bike ride, but hey, tomorrow is another day. I'm aiming for an early morning ride. Keepin' my fingas crossed.

Insert foot into mouth

Last evening, Bry, Gracie & I stopped by my friend, Beth's house so that I could help her with hemming a pair of pants. Her husband, David, comes home & the 4 of us are hanging out, talking shit, drinking adult beverages and having a great time. Somehow we get to talking about police and law enforcement or something along those lines and Bry asks Beth about recently getting a ticket in her neighborhood by a Trooper from our wonderful state, who lives in her neighborhood. As Bry asks her about it she says, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Then it dawns on me, I vaguely remember her telling me she hadn't told David about the tickets and didn't know if she ever would. As Bry & I try to cover for Beth & backpeddle in a horrible way, David knows what's up. He's not a dumb guy. We're totally obvious. So, Beth because or our stupidity, has to spill her guts to David about this totally ridiculous traffic stop. She gives her wonderful husband the low-down on the whole deal & then informs him of another ticket for running a red-light, while she was talking on her cell to ME. It seems that the bluebird of happiness that has been planted on top of my head for the past 28 years likes to perch on my friends, as well. Hey, at least I've taught someone to share, right??

We're sorry, Beth. We're sorry for our stupidity. We're sorry that our bird likes to shit on you as well and let me know how else I can work off that $75 for your red-light ticket!!!
OH, and David sorry about your bike tire. I certainly was NOT trying to kill you!

I'm a tool. And maybe if I would've used one of these, David wouldn't have had a near- death experience on his bike.


That's no Space Station, that's my ass.

Yesterday evening, I managed to snag a few minutes to myself to float around my mother's pool. So, I grab a raft, decide to lay down on my stomach and just let the breeze blow me about the pool. I'm laying there, enjoying the late afternoon sun, the silence, the water, the breeze, the floating when something very large keeps coming into my peripheral vision. It takes me a few minutes to realize what this thing is. It's my freaking ass. It's huge. What is even scarier is that it wasn't my whole ass that was catching me by surprise, it was one cheek. So, imagine what my surprise would be if I could view the whole entire thing. Scary. I now understand why the boys of darker complexions always seemed to gravitate toward me in middle school and high school. I have back. And apparently, lots of it. I believe it can be viewed from space.

See what I mean?? I told Bry he is NEVER to take pix of me from the rear on a bike EVER again! (I have also dropped a few lbs. since this pic. was taken). But still. This is not good


Still Crazy After All These Years

Growing up, for me, was tumultuous. Like it isn't for most kids, I realize this. But I am the product of a throw-back to the 60's hippie father and an ultra-conservative, puritan-esque, emotionally unstable mother. So you can see why today, I still walk around with a confused look on my face. And why today, so many parts of my personality contradict one another. Amidst all of this confusion it has occured to me that I'm a total, certified nutter. And after searching my mind how this could be, I've come up with the answer. And the answer has been there for almost as long as I can remember.
Let me take you back to........I think it was......1984. Yup, 1984. Ok, possibly 1985. I was 6. Put it that way.
My mom and dad were newly divorced and my mom & I were living in, basically, a one room apartment. At that time, my mom was driving a baby blue Dodge Dart with a faulty passenger-side door. Safety standards being so high in 1984-5ish I was free to ride wherever I wanted in said car paying absolutely no mind to the faulty door. Well, my mom & I were in the car driving somewhere down a tight/twisty back road near our 'house' and arguing about something. I have no idea what we were in a tiff about. So, being the mature, respectful child I was at not getting my way, I crossed my arms, furrowed my brow, released a "Hrumph" and leaned up against the passenger-side door to get as far away, as physically possible, from my mom. Next thing I know, I'm rolling up a hill and thinking to myself, "I feel just like a bowling ball. Just put your arms up around your head. You'll be ok." The faulty door that I had mentioned was true to it's standard and had decided to make me one with the pavement. As I had finally stopped rolling up the hill, I stood up, spitting leaves out of my mouth, I walk nonchalantly back to the car like this happens everyday or something. I'm a bit scraped up and mom decides to take me to the hospital. Not before she reminds me that "this is exactly why you don't argue with your mother." I am seen at the ER and cut loose. Just had some minor scrapes. As we're on our way home my mom informs me that she didn't have the 'heart' to see me laying in the street, so she kept driving until she saw in her rearview mirror that I got up off the ground. My mom, I'll tell ya, she's all full of sentiment and concern.
I've decided that the little incident on Smalley's Dam Road would be one of many that would lead to my eventual turn to Nutterville, but that was the defining moment for me. Where I was introduced to insanity via leaf-covered pavement and a faulty passenger-side door.


I feel as Jumpy as a Virgin at a Prison Rodeo

I feel a little scared. I'm working on getting everything together to start school (again) in the fall. The kids will both be starting school as well, Bryan has switched to the "night" shift (which really only means working 2 nights a week), I need to pick up a part-time job, I NEED to get back on the bike and I'm freaking out, man! I am just running through everything in my mind and wondering how is a hot momma like myself supposed to do it all? How am I supposed to be a mom, wife, student, employee, reader, blogger and cyclist all without being totally insane and bitchy? Is it possible?? Can I juggle it all?
I tend to lean towards gloom & doom and think of all the reasons why things can't work rather than focus on how they can. But maybe by purging these evil thoughts I can move forward.

This picture pretty much says it all. My feelings exactly, Connor.