It's Official

I'm old.
You're probably laughing - if you know me.
October 2008 came and went. And with it my 30th birthday.
Which, I grant you, does not put me on the list for AARP or social security or Depends.
But it's official.
You wanna know how I know?
I'll tell you.

Do you remember listening to an elder - a grandparent, aunt, uncle, family friend who was long in the tooth? They had seen it all. And they weren't afraid to tell you about it. Truth be told, when you look back, you relish in their wisdom and their ability to adapt and change to the changing times. But when you were a kid that didn't mean you didn't roll your eyes when they would settle into their chair, let out a loooong sigh, possibly hike up their polyester pants (or maybe even undo their belt) and regail you with how "things used to be".

Well it shames me to admit it, but I have turned in to that person. And it hit me last weekend like a brick in the head. Rav & I were on our way home from my dad's house. It was a celebration of sorts - more on that another time. It was a beautiful, bright sunny Sunday and I decided to take the country road home. I used to drive that country road with my dad to get to The Farm or to take a ride - just the two of us. On certain Spring days, the air will smell sweet and clean and it will take me down that country road in my mind. I will remember snippets of conversation my dad & I had when traveling that road. It's peaceful and beautiful and one part of Delaware that had remained untouched by the sprawl that the (then)booming banking industry inflicted on other open fields in our state.

I haven't taken a Sunday drive (see, right there? That in of itself makes me old) on that country road in years. Quite frankly, it has been too painful. After The Farm was sold, I couldn't bear to drive it. It was just too raw. But I decided that day that it was time. The kids fell asleep as I drove at nice pace, windows open. The slight breeze would blow their hair and I sighed. Yes. I thought to myself. Yes. This was a good idea. Eventually Rav even fell asleep and I was left alone with the air and my memories as I drove.

Then it happened. And there they were. On either side of the road were sprawling neighborhoods filled with cookie cutter homes. No trees. And filling up fields that once went on as far as the eye could see. It turned my stomach. Literally. I let out a cry in horror. It was loud enough that it awoke my peaceful napping husband. He startled awake, looking back and forth, "Wha-, Wha-.....What?? What's going on?" He managed to sputter out. "LOOK AT THAT! DO YOU SEE IT? ISN'T THIS HORRIBLE?" He grumbled and fell back asleep. He left me alone to have a conversation with myself about how "that field right.there. was where there once was a family farm. See where that neighborhood is??? Yeah. There used to be a horse farm THERE." This went on and on inside my head. And that was when it hit me. That I was old. That I am 30 years old and cannot bear to see change. I cannot bear to see change when it turns farmland into sprawling, overcrowded neighborhoods full of McMansions on teeny-tiny plots of "yard". It's almost more than I can bear.

I realized that my delusions of change creeping everywhere else but that country road are just that. Delusions. I realized that my home state is turning into one big, sprawling neighborhood.

Most of all. I realized I am aging. And that I am slowly becoming that person I used to roll my eyes at. And the most I can hope for is that I learn to adapt and change along with it.

My Latest Obsession

I know I've been sparce.
Beautiful weather has been beckoning the famiglia de Ravioli outside.
And I'm weak.
I'm a sucker for warm, sunny days.
And the smell of Water Babies sunblock on my kids' rounded arms.
All while I hold a sweaty glass bottle in my hand and throw my head back to wash the
cold adult beverage down my dry throat.
This song goes well with all of that.

Cape Cod Kwasaa Kwasaa by Vampire Weekend

Emerging From Underneath Of The Rock

Hello, all. If anyone still pops in over this way after almost a month of silence.
I hope that your holiday(s) were well for you all and that 2008 brings you much peace and happiness.

I've missed you all while I was away.
I often found my thoughts drifting to you.
Wondering what new topics were lighting the fires inside of your minds.
What new personal perils or triumphs you were sharing.

My intention with the "shutting down" of this little blog was to spend time reading all of you more.
However, I needed to cut myself off completely.
I peeked in from time to time, but I had to step away.
I found that the amount of pressure I put upon myself to write quality posts, to read, and respond eloquently was more than my feeble mind could handle.
Not to mention I was in the middle of a breakthrough of sorts.
Couple that with the impending holiday, classes winding down, a part-time job that I take way too seriously, and a family to be here for.
Despite being a Libra, I was having immense trouble juggling it all.

All of that being said, I feel that it is time to come back.
To mingle with you all, to be a part again.
My mind feels clear and my heart wide open.

I'm probably not picking a great day to return as it is the eve of yet another holiday, but that's just how I roll.

So again, have a wonderful New Year. Be safe, be well, go easy.
I can't wait to see what all of you have been up to!

Sunday (Morning) Song of the Moment

** Edited**
I removed the original youtube video of this song that I had posted after I discovered that it did not contain the entire song....I added a better youtube version.

So sorry this one is a wee late. Today was spent in the delights of crisp blue skies, a quick nip on the skin from just the slightest bite of cold in the morning air.
The air smelled of possibility.

We took the kids to our favorite diner. The kids ate well.
Rav dove into some Pumpkin pancakes that were to die for.

If you were to ask me, at the age of 21, if I saw myself with two kids and a husband at 28, I probably would have wrinkled my nose,shrugged my shoulders and said
You just never know.

I try to, on a daily basis understand this world we live in.
I struggle with trying to make sense of, not necessarily for myself anymore, but for these two precious souls who are in my care.

I've been looking back lately, smiling and nodding at accomplishments and personal growth.
I sometimes cringe at the car wrecks I've found myself involved in.
I remember on more than one occasion wondering if I'd ever make it through.
And I always have.

Sure I might have a few battle scars - visible and not.
And for all that I have learned, there is still so much more to learn.

I'm itching for the journey ahead, whatever that may be.
Knowing me and the way things go
it'll be one amazing, scary, wild, and completely enjoyable ride.

I hope you enjoy the song. It's nothing newly discovered or obscure.
On The Road to Find Out ~ Cat Stevens
It just fits right into a quiet little spot in my heart and mind right now.
And I just thought I'd share.

I hope you all are enjoying this early fall, day.

Sunday Morning Song of the Moment

I don't know about all of you, but the next month to month and a half are going to be insane.

Let me amend that.
Every weekend from here on out is going to be insane.

My dad & I caught up with each other via a phone conversation. And I know at the end of it, I felt like we were deeply immersed in the Cat's In The Cradle song.
That's just not a good feeling.

I find that I tell my kids about 9,000,000 times a day
One more minute.
Hold on a second.
Maybe another time.
Not right now.
We'll see.
I'm not sure.
In a hot second!!
Wait.
You get the picture.

Sometimes, I long for rainy days where staying in PJ's until dinnertime is mandatory.

Those days where you don't feel bad about being packed on the couch like sardines.

Days where you eat your weight in snacks.

Days where you wake up, look outside and say

Today is a day made for coffee mugs, homemade pancakes, and tickle fest after tickle fest.


This is what I wish for you all too.

The summer obligations are exciting. I enjoy celebrating new beginnings for friends. Family "vacations", graduation/anniversary parties.

But it's nice to have a weekend all of our own.

Especially in the summertime.

For now though, we'll have to pretend.

So, here's my song. For all of you out there.
Busy or not so busy.
But those that just want to take the day one minute at a time.
Those who want to stop time,
take the time to walk slowly,
and those who want to smell the flowers.

It's got a good vibe. And a little lighter from my normal picks. I don't want to depress anyone, for I know that I lean toward heavier things.

Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson