Final Say

Today, during a drool fest, or what I'd like to call a late afternoon nap, Rav woke me up to take a phone call.

A phone call from the People who interviewed me for that position at a state-run detention center.


I quickly wiped the drool off of the side of my face and my chin.

I mentally slapped myself in the face.

I cleared my throat so there would be no hint of grogginess when I answered the phone.


I got the job.
Yes. Oh, yes.

I got the fucking job.

I say it like that because I resigned myself to the fact that I didn't get it.

And truth-be-told, I was a wee bit relieved.


The job is 2nd shift.

And with Connor starting all day Kindergarten next year, that means I will see him all of 2 days a week and for a few minutes in the morning before he goes to school.

That also means that during the day, I will have to attend my classes to finish up that degree I've been working on.

As a family, the salary will benefit us tremendously.

But my big hang-up is the absence of seeing Connor.

Oh, and this big kicker.
My return flight from Blogher is Monday, July 30th. I arrive in Philly at noon to one-ish.
And the first day of my two week training?
Yep. Monday, July 30th.
Got to love non-refundable plane tickets.

When I interviewed for the position, the Asst. Superintendent told me that they are "cleaning house" in regards to staff. And that there are a lot of staff which are getting ready to retire. I'm holding out hope that maybe after putting in a few months time, a day shift position will open up. And that perhaps I'll be eligible.

Because like I said, not seeing my boy is going to really be a doozie.

For him.
And for me.

I'm sure by now you've been able to pick up the questions in my voice in regards to my ability to juggle this.
I know moms do this all day. Everyday.
Jobs, kids, home, school.
And they do it well.

I just question my ability.
Will the kids feel neglected/abandon by me?
Connor, being so sensitive, I know will be OK. But. But. He does not acclimate well to change.
How will I be able to complete my school work?
And feel like I'm being the mom that the kids need me to be?
How will I sustain the energy needed to accomplish all of this and not get burnt out?

Seriously, the questions are endless.

16 ripples in the pond:

jen said...

DUDE!!!!!!!! I knew you'd nail it. Woohoo. Just consider Blogher your last hurrah....

and you know, from one working woman to another - it all works out. you will feel guilty. but it all works out. am so happy for you!

jen said...

and i meant to add, that just because you feel guilty doesn't make it wrong. dude.

liv said...

I second Jen. You do what you do for your family because you must. And ultimately it does work out. My D had a hard time with me going to work last December. He tried the patience of the nanny. She quit--remember? And things just work out. You will tell them that you have a pre-planned trip and come in after BlogHer. It will work out. Your new mantra, sweetie.

flutter said...

Balance, baby, balance. Congrats to you

KC said...

WOOOHOOO! I knew it. I knew you'd land it.

(p.s. I love you for that drool comment. As you now know, I am a mouth-breather and thus a fellow drooler)

Hard at first yes, but as you say, a day time shift may open up and you've got your foot in the door.

Yay! The stars aligned.

Her Grace said...

Congratulations! I knew all that witty banter would work :).

I can hear the doubt in your voice, but like Jen said, if it feels right then everything else will work itself out.

Seattle Mamacita said...

congrats tabba!! loved Rav's guest post too!

Deezee said...

I know about being torn between work and child. Oddly enough, my son handled my absence due to work far better when he was younger. (I only saw him in the mornings, for I always got home after he was asleep.) When he turned 12 and it started to really get to him, I pulled back on the work that kept me from seeing him. As Jen says, it all works out...so Congrats!

deb said...

Sometimes it's nice not to see so much of your kids, you can appreciate them more. I know on the days I work I have more patience with Katie because I haven't already been with her all day.

And if it doesn't work out, quit. It's not forever, you can always change your mind if it's not working for you.

And congratulations.

thailandchani said...

Wow... It's great that you got the job. Hope it works out. That is a rough one.. and I hope you're able to make it work out in a way that will be okay for all of you.

And I'm sure some day shift position will come up.

But, you know, authentically.. I have to say this much.

Don't take on too much at once. :)



Magpie said...

Damn, that sounds hard, but doable. And if indeed a day shift job opens up, you're in great shape. Congratulations and lots of luck!

Tabba said...

Thank you....ALL of you for your endless support and kind words.

You are all so, so good to me!

Joker The Lurcher said...

hey! go for it! you'll almost certainly be able to change your shift soon - getting your foot in the door is the main thing.

really good luck!

kristi said...

One good thing is you will be able to take him to school and that is a good thing. Also you will be able to be with your kids when they are on breaks. Hopefully a day shift will open up soon. Good luck!

PinkPowerSuit.com said...

Congratulations, smart girl. I know you were worried about money. Good things happen.

Just know that you will feel panicked and like, you're failing. Find some reassuring things to tell yourself now for when you get to that point. A list of why you're doing all that you're doing and why there's no way around it. And here's a favourite quote of mine:

"Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold together and endure to the end WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU FELL APART, that's true strength." -Unknown.

That gets me through.

And remember that years from now, things will be different and you'll regret having wasted time and energy worrying about things that have to be.



carrie said...

Sincere CONGRATULATIONS to you Tabba!

You will work it out, we all do. And you'd have guilt whether you were working or not - you know that!

I am so happy for you. :)