Can't Bear To Feel

I remember having a conversation with someone regarding what she does for a living. She works in an assisted living facility. She was saying that she felt like something was wrong with her because years ago, when (not if) one of the residents passed away, she would cry. She would feel loss. But as of lately, she said she just felt numb.
I felt what she was saying and said, What I find interesting is that you hear how dumb our country is (and to a certain extent that is true). But what occurs to me is that our country isn't necessarily being "dumbed" down. We're being numbed down.

I hate to admit that maybe I fall into that category. I am sad and heartbroken by what happened at VT. I am outraged, in a way, about people speculating and hypothesizing that this could have been stopped. On one hand, that may be true.

But what I'm talking about is that parents everywhere want to know they can send their babies out into the world and they will be safe. Despite every measure toward safety and security we take, you can't stop madness.
Madness is an energy entity that we cannot prepare for entirely.
And a random act of madness is almost completely unstoppable.

The thing is, we see so much that makes us immune to basic human caring.
And we see so little that puts us in touch with it as well.

There are unspeakable horrors that go on on a daily basis. But we get the CNN version, the Fox News version. Hell, we can't even see a picture of a flag-draped coffin.
We get so used to hearing about atrocities that we tend to shrug our shoulders and just go on about our day.

And then we do feel something and we balm it with whatever. Myself included.
What is it that we can't feel anymore?
Do we think we're too busy?
That we're above it?
What is it that we think feelings are so 1960's and 70's?
Is it that we think we can better survive but being one, giant collective hamster on a wheel? Nose down, not thinking, just acting. Going through the motions.
Day in and day out.
What many may not realize is while we block out negative feelings, we may also be blocking out the
Joy, as well.

I know that often times people that know me in 3-D life might tend to look at me as a gloom & doomer. That I'm, perhaps, too sensitive. That I see all of the trouble. I see all of the problems.
And I guess, to some extent that is true.
I'm not a surface person.
I'm a meat & guts person.
I cannot help that I can feel what someone is feeling.
I cannot help that, at times, I embrace hard times because they, in the past, have made me the person I am.
I know that once the turmoil abates there is a new, stronger version of myself that has learned something. That has somehow reaped a benefit or a character value.

I think by keeping the world at an arm's length, by keeping ourselves so far removed from what humanity really means, what brotherhood & sisterhood, mankind, and love means we are doing ourselves a great disservice. We are hiding from how things feel. How it feels to have someone cry on your shoulder and be a cocoon for someone. A place where they can harbor themselves from the storm and come out a little shinier than when they went in.
Our souls seem so cold toward one another.

And all while hundreds, possibly thousands grieve. They try to pick up the pieces of who they were on Sunday evening. While all of America and possibly the world is talking about this. Some of us are feeling it. And some of us are hiding.

Our President will try to fight lawmakers today.
In an attempt to gain funding and more support for a War.
A war that puts tragedies like VT into a grim perspective.
He will do this a day after he has spoken at VT.

I know how that makes me feel.
How does that make you feel?

6 ripples in the pond:

Oh, The Joys said...

I think you're right that we still have to go out there and live.

As to Bush? Well...pffffffft. Ack.

Penny. said...

Good post. Good points.

thailandchani said...

I think you're on to something. It is a numbing process rather than a dumbing process. Hm.

Bush.. well.... I have no right to comment about him but... I think he's dangerous and terrifying but the numbing you mention started long before him.



Tabba said...

I agree with you, Chani. I agree that the numbing process has long been in the works. I didn't mean to imply that G.W. was behind it. I was just trying to say that it was beyond sad that the day after he spoke there, he was off fighting for more money for this war that takes so many lives on a daily basis.

deb said...

It seems strange that there are so many violent shows on TV now, shows that turn death into a commodity for our entertainment. Did viewers want more violence on TV? Or is the violence a way of getting us used to violence?
I'm not downplaying the tragedy in Virginia, but how many people have died in Iraq since what happened in Virginia?
I know I'm not American, but it seems that your government would prefer people to be numb or entertained or just distracted so that they can do as they please.

Tabba said...

EXACTLY Deb.....right on!