12/21/06

The Christmas Noose Is Beginning To Tighten

This Christmas season has been flying by & I feel that I've barely been able to take it in at all. For one, the weather here on the East Coast has been relatively warm. It is very hard for me to get in the mood of Christmas when it's almost too warm for a coat.

Bryan & I have been so preoccupied with our 'stuff' that I haven't taken the time to stop & enjoy the season. He's busy with work & wrestling. And up until last night, I've been busy with my school work. I haven't watched "It's A Wonderful Life" yet, I haven't baked my cookies. Hell, I still haven't plugged in the lights that are set-up outside yet. We've been traveling through our days barely aware of what's going on. Not a good way to go throughout our days. So, here it is December 21st & I'm just now getting into the spirit of things.

I don't celebrate religously. But I enjoy the 'magic' that happens this time of year & I enjoy creating that 'magic' for my kids. Yeah, the whole buying things for the sake of buying gets to me. But, I still enjoy the season. I enjoy baking cookies with Connor to put out for Santa. I enjoy decorating our artificial tree with the kids. I love snuggling up on the couch at night with all of the lights off, except for our Christmas tree lights, and basking in the soft glow that our tree lights produce. I love that we slow down. Even if it takes us almost the whole month to do so. In our house, the emphasis is on just spending time with each other. Doing things that make us happy. And nobody else. Truth be told, the kids will only be this little once. We won't ever get this time back. And I want to spend it the way we want to spend it. Everyone else will just have to wait. Rav & I only get to create this magic for but a brief period of time. I want to revel in it.

Last night, we heard all of these fire engine sirens. Which is not unusual, as we live pretty close to a firehouse. But these sirens were a bit louder than usual. And it hit me what was going on. I jumped up from watching a movie, grabbed the kids, wrapped them up in a blanket & we stood outside. Coming down the street, on the back of a fire truck, was Santa. Waving, looking happy & passing out candy canes. As I do when this happens every year, I began to cry. It doesn't matter how many times Santa has visited our neighborhood on the back of the fire truck, it gets me everytime. And that's what I'm talking about. Just taking the time to enjoy these precious moments in time with the ones we love beyond all else.

Now, don't get me wrong. That moment lasted that long. A moment. Not even. This morning, I awoke with my right eye twitching because I'm dancing along the line between insanity & insanity. Yes, that's what I meant to type. I'm sick, Connor's sick, he's been home from school all week & I've been stuck in the house all week with both of the kids. I'm ready to blow. I'm not kidding anyone. These kinds of days suck. But I'm trying to grab hold of the good ones, the good days, the good moments & hug them so tight that their eyes bug out a little.



4 ripples in the pond:

Pippajo said...

Oh I feel your pain. I've been feeling guilty because I haven't been enjoying the Christmas Season, whatever the heck I thought that meant.

Now Christmas is four days away and I'm dreading it and can't wait for it to be over. And that saddens me. I know I've spent more money than I should have, more than we have, and for things that don't matter. But I got caught up in wanting the kids to have a lot to open. Idiot!

I find myself wishing it could be simpler. A tree cut from the woods on our own property and decorated with paper chains made by the kids on a rainy afternoon. A warm, sweet smell throughout the house from the almost constant supply of fresh-baked cookies. Quiet nights spent by the fire, knitting winter essentials and sipping cocoa. Gathering with friends around the piano, singing favorite Christmas carols. That sharp nip in the air and blanket of soft snow deadening every sound.

I feel like I tried to capture the essence of those things, even though I didn't have those things, and failed. My house smells like burnt parchment from my feeble attempt at baking gingerbread cookies. There is no fireplace. The weather outside is frightfully warm and is threatening to rain on Christmas day. We have YET to buy our tree, and my nights are spent dashing to and from basketball practices and games, band practices and concerts and playing catch-up with the laundry and tidying. I'm feeling anything but rested and serene!

I've convinced myself this is why schools have the week after Christmas off. We need that week to sleep in and recouperate from Christmas! I cannot wait until December 28th!

jen said...

ah, it's almost over - you'll miss it when it's gone...right.

demand time to enjoy it. today. don't let anyone stop you.

jesus..did i just offer advice...ugh.

Tabba said...

Jen - anything you have to say is alright by me....advice or otherwise.

Pip - as always, you & I are on the same page.

Oh, The Joys said...

I can so relate. I've been sick for 10 days, so has Rooster, K is sick, The Mayor is on his way... it's hard to find the "spirit".