12/28/06

Diamonds On The Inside


I think, even in today's "progressed" society, that the expectation put on women to mother - to enjoy it 24/7 is an unrealistic one. And I think that is especially true for those of us who make the choice to stay at home. (Let me just say here, the choice for a mother to work is a personal one & this is not the SAHM vs. the working mother. I'm talking about society as a whole here.)
If we complain - or talk about the trials and tribulations of our work, we commonly get the, "Well, why don't you just go back to work then?" or "That's the price you pay." or "I wish I got to stay at home all day, everyday. You don't know how good you've got it.".
Yes. Yes, I made that "choice" - if you'd like to call it that.
But.
BUT.
No one makes those snide, condescending remarks to a person who makes the "choice" to work. You don't hear someone say to a working person who is mentally worn out from work, "Well, you chose to work, so deal with it." And the other ugly truth is that it is wrong for a mother to say, "I'm sick of my kids. I'm sick of the tattleing. I'm sick of wiping asses and noses and fingerprints off of everything. I'm sick of feeling sucked dry by constant caretaking. I'm sick of not showering. I'm sick of fixing mac 'n cheese, hot dogs, PB&J's, chicken nuggets & cuppies. Day in. Day out. I'm sick of everyday looking the same despite the seasons changing. I'm sick of all day, everyday being work. I get no break. I get no recognition. I get no stimulation. And people don't ask me 'How's your job going? What's new with you?' They ask my kids. They ask my husband - because he has a job. But they don't ask me. I'm the last in line for everything. For breakfast, for getting dressed, for getting cleaned up, for lunch, for TV, for reading, for dinner and for bed. I get no sick time, no vacation time. Oh, and my hours suck."
I mean, if someone goes to work - or is merely employed, they have the right to complain about their boss, their coworkers, their underlings, the secretary, the commute, the fax machine, the copier, the long hours, the flourescent lighting, or whatever.
But we're not allowed. It sounds cruel. How can we say those things? We are mothers. We are soft and good and motherly. Saying those things is an abomination.
Why is that??

9 ripples in the pond:

jen said...

hey woman,
how's your job treating you lately? i hear you are really doing some good things there. i've heard talk of a promotion, even..

seriously, sister. it's true.

and you are doing the hardest and best job in the world. hands down.

Oh, The Joys said...

Tabba,
OMG. I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. My kids go to a school - based daycare program so they have two weeks off - so I feel your pain in this short term, soon it will end kind of way, but STILL. I feel LAST, last, last all the time and it SUCKS and I'm saying it WITH you. F*CK, already.

Tabba said...

Oh - well, there are good points....there are good days. But what I think bothers me most, is: if we are in a social setting, people automatically ask Bry how his work is going. Bry answers, there is a conversation. Then they look at me - you can see their inner-dialogue. Then I'm skipped over. Because, as a stay-at-home-mom, I have nothing to contribute. I don't work, so I don't count.
WTF!?!?
I feel you, feeling me. Connor has been off of school for 2 weeks & I'm ready for him to go play in traffic. God Bless School! Right?

deb said...

Let my preface this by saying that I love my children, but, and it's a big but, they wear me out. I had my long bitch/rant awhile ago, doesn't fix anything but it sure is nice just to complain sometimes and it's even nicer to know that other women feel the same way. Oh yeah, and I don't like Christmas either, so there.

Chani (Thailand Gal) said...

I can certainly understand your frustration. SAHMs are heros in my opinion and are doing the singularly most important job in the world. Let it suffice to say that it is those with the "attitude" who are weird ~ not you. The fact that you are willing to put up with the mundanity is a testament to values, to raising the next generation to be good people and to tolerate it all for a higher good. Kudos!


Peace,


~Chani

jen said...

Tab,
How was your day today? I hear good things coming from you and the leadership you exhibit on a daily basis. Keep up the good work.

We'd be lost without you.

Tabba said...

Jen - I'm confused.....which, doesn't take much.....

jen said...

i was just stopping by to see how your day at work went (you know, asking about your day, letting you know i've noticed your hard work) etc.

xo

Tabba said...

Jen - Thanks for checking up on my job & my day....
You are a good friend.