12/19/06

I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends

Last year, I ran into my former best friend. We were best friends all through middle-school & partly through high school. However, she went her way & I went mine. There were no hard feelings. We just became two different people.

So, like I was saying, I ran into her last year & we had a catch-up session. She told me what everyone from high school was up to now. And as she was talking, it occured to me that she was still friends with her popular crowd from our high school. A whopping ten years later. They all married each other or are still dating. They are all still friends.

This completely freaked me out. I mean, it's like she progressed not at all. She went to our local University with the rest of the 'group'. They all partied together, married each other & are all still friends. I guess on one hand that seems kind of nice. But the majority of that just really freaks me out.

And I've seen other people around me that are only friends with a set group. And no matter what you do, you can't inch your way in because you don't 'do what they do' or 'talk how they talk' or 'act like they act'. Am I just miserable & antisocial? Or am I snooty? Or do I just prefer to be around people who embrace all people? I'd like to think I am the latter. But I'm wondering......I mean, you know when you click with someone & when you don't. And that's ok. That's just chemistry. But why do grown adults still find themselves in high school cliques? And refuse to let anyone enter? It really just freaks me out & grosses me out. I guess it goes against my whole 'conformity' thing. Having to be this way or that way, so that I can be accepted. Not gonna happen. So, am I doing the same thing? Like reverse discrimination. They discriminate against me because I'm not like them & in turn I discriminate against them because they are 'cliquey'. Jeez, I guess the sad truth is that I must not have progressed either. Man, that hurts to say that out loud. But I did. And my fault is noted.

13 ripples in the pond:

Oh, The Joys said...

My life has evolved the way you describe yours. I guess for some, change is not what they're looking for...but I've always felt sorry for people that thought of their high school days as their "glory days" or "The best years of their lives" - I mean, there's a LOT of years to go after high school!

Tabba said...

I whole-heartedly agree.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it is so clear cut. High school was by no means my favorite years, but I must say my best friends are from my childhood. There are times that we are not as close but it seems that we always come back together. I have also gathered friends from my years in college and now through marriage, but if i look at who my closest friends are it is always the same. I have definitey progressed and am always open for a new friend, but my heart will always belongs to them. Is that cheesy enough?

Tabba said...

I certainly understand the childhood friend scheme. And that is not my issue. My issue is when people cannot be friends with others outside of their set scheme. When their entire social circle is their friends from high school, or they only associate with those who only have friends that go to the gym or only associate with those who play a sport, etc.....That is what bothers me & if you don't fit into their 'category' you are merely a surface friend. Not someone they seek a quality friendship with. It's merely decorative & artificial

maggsnfamy said...

Kind of weird that the whole group did that. Not just a "couple". I'm friends with a few people I was friends with in high school. One is a very good friend of mine now. We lost touch for a few years but ran into each other about 5 years ago and have been close again since. Another friend is someone I know is always there but not someone I see more than once a year. We talk occasionally. It's a nice no pressure relationship. Another I see around town and at school and kid things and we chat it up.

That being said though, we all have other friends and circles and marriages etc.

Thailand Gal said...

The expression "putting all of one's eggs in one basket" comes to mind. Those who have one set criteria for establishing friendships might find themselves rather alone. Life itself has a way of changing circumstances. :)

Peace,

~Chani

jen said...

dude. school is so out. so out. perhaps leaving the hometown from which you were born helps? i have no idea....

and about the other - i got the down low. thanks

Tabba said...

I don't know either. And the whole high school friend thing isn't the entire issue for me. It's the "I-can-only-be-friends-with-carbon-copies-of-myself" people, as well as, the people who are still stuck in high school. There is nothing wrong with having friends from high school. But the fact that that is their entire social circle is strange to me.

Pippajo said...

I tried so hard to come up with some profound response for this...but I got nothin'!

I was more than happy to leave high school behind...way behind... and do not understand those who are stuck in their high school groups. I mean, how likely is it that an entire group will mature and change at the same rate at the same time?

Now, in college, I admit, I was part of a clique. And it was fun. We did not exclude anyone, and our group did grow over our four years together, but everyone thought of us as a clique.

We stayed in touch after graduation and have even had two reunions in the 12 years since. But though we keep in regular contact, we are not close like we used to be. How could we be? We're all over the country living different lives. Like I said before, the odds that we'd all be as similar as we used to be are not that great.

Do I have a point? Dunno. But I, too, have encountered cliques in my adult life; in church and in the community. It's hard to break in some, hard to break out of others. I don't know why it happens. For myself, I usually befriend people simply because I like them, clique or not. But I usually wind up thinking that if I'm NOT in the big clique I'm doing something right. Often it takes patience until I can find the other person in the corner rolling her eyes and smirking at all the clique members squealing all over each other in the middle of the room, figurativly speaking, of course. So, I don't know, maybe I'm prejudiced against clique people too?


By the way, if you want to create a new non-clique clique, I'm right on that!

I'll stop now before I expound myself into circles!

Tabba said...

Pippa, I'd be the other person you'd see, smirking & snickering at the rest of the 'group' & you & I would become fast, fast friends.....I'm all over the anti-clique clique. Sounds perfect. Especially if you are part of it!

Tabba said...

Oh, and let me say here that I can understand the college thing a little bit more than the high school thing. That actually makes sense to me. But the high school thing doesn't. And I don't really know why. But again, it all goes back to, for me, the issue of not stepping outside of a certain 'box'. I understand community with people of like interests. But how weird would it be if Rav & I ONLY hung out & talked to Probation people? And everyone else we spoke to were just people we said 'hi' to, or talked about very surface things with. Or what if my only friends were people who played saxophone or my only friends were ones that played field hockey. I.just.don't.get.that. I know cliques are out there. I just don't get it.

Hev said...

I had a great time at school, had friends but by no means was one of the popular ones. I think that this made me appreciate the friends I had & also made me try harder to make friends once I went to Uni & got my first jobs.

Now I've got friends from all aspects of my life & I really enjoy being able to catch up with the different experiences and lives that those other people are living!

As an aside - my blog is pretty much static at the moment, but I'm still keeping 'tabs' on you, tabba. The highlight of my day!

Tabba said...

SO glad to hear from you Hev. I was hoping all has been well. You've been on my mind.