Silently Singing Loudly

How is this possible? You ask yourselves. Oh, it is.
It so is.
Explain. You're saying to your computer screen.

Why, thanks for asking me to explain. Explain I will. Just follow me here.

Right now, I'm reading two books. Technically 3. These are just my pleasure reading books. I am reading The Time Traveler's Wife, On Beauty, and the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. I'm not too far along in The Time Traveler's Wife because I am reading the curious incident.... for a book club meeting on January 30th. And On Beauty has taken a backseat to the aforesaid books and to school.
I seriously digress.

As I have been reading the curious incident.... it has occurred to me that I may be Autistic. And I'm not saying that to be crude, mean, demeaning or insensitive. But I see some definite similarities in my lines of thinking. It also has given me great insight into some of Connor's thought processes. He was not diagnosed with Autism, but some of his Sensory stuff falls in the Autism spectrum.
I would like to share this book with my mom who works with an Autistic adult.

That got me thinking about what someone would think if they just walked off the street and into my house & caught me at the computer. See, the computer is in our livingroom. When I'm sitting at the computer, my back is to our front door.
When Ravioli is watching TV or playing Playstation and I am on the computer, I plug in the headphones, do my thing on the 'net & listen to my playlist.
I crank the music out. But I can't sing out loud. That would be embarrassing for me. And excruciating for Rav.
So I find myself rocking in a 'dancing' motion all over the place in the computer chair, grooving my head all over the place, banging my hands to the beat of the music, moving my feet in tapping motions and mouthing the words to all of the songs.
Quite a sight to behold.

So, imagine one's surprise if they didn't know me. And saw me gyrating like that. They would have to think that something is just not quite right.
And well, frankly it's not. I'm a certified nutter. I've made my peace with it. And obviously so have you....for you read my stuff. You visit me here and know that I'm a bit wonky.

But seriously....what a sight that must be. I almost wish that I could float above my body, to see what kind of spectacle I am making of myself.
And then I wonder what Rav must think as he sees me out of the corner of his eye, doing the Elaine dance in the computer chair. I wonder if he's scared, amused, bemused or makes a mental note to himself to call the local psych. hospital. First.thing.in.the.morning.

I wish that I could sing as I sit here....But I Can't.
Though, these times when I'm forced to become mute, and dance from the top of my head down to my tapping feet, I feel the music a lot more, when I have to rely on my body to do the singing.
I'm almost convinced that if you really paid attention, you could figure out the song by watching my body. Because usually one part is "playing" the bass line, another lead guitar, another rhythm guitar, my head and/or feet generally plays percussion, my torso seems to follow the horns if there are any and if you could read lips that would be a great help too, as I'm generally mouthing they lyrics.

So, that's how I silently sing music loudly.
And contemplate the fact that my thought processes seem a lot like Christopher Boone's in the book the curious incident....
And if someone walked in my house and saw me at the computer, they'd have to agree that I'm just a little off.

And this crazy, rambling post is just one more piece of evidence for the jury.