You Cannot Reason With The Unreasonable

Remember I was saying yesterday how I love the fact that I love to share? And one of the things I love to share is my home. I need to make an addendum to that statement.

I love sharing my home with friends.
I've come around to sharing my home with my kids.
They're growing on me.

I do not like sharing my home with furry creatures.
I've had a bat make it's way in to my first apartment. Twice.
Yeah, I wasn't a fan of that at all.

I've lived with a mouse or two.
Quite unhappily.
I absolutely cannot stand mice. I've discussed before on this here blog how my fear of mice is of biblical proportions. I cannot possibly or adequately convey the depth of loathing I have for those nasty, dirty, disease-carrying creatures.
I don't want to hear how "cute" they supposedly are.
They're disgusting.

I recently - and without permission - have found that I am housing, quite possibly the largest ant farm in the history of the world.

First it started with a little black ant crawling on the kitchen counter.
Look, kids! Look at this cute, little black ant all by himself. Isn't he so cute? He's so little!

Then it continued with two to four ants crawling up the wall in the bathroom.
Thought to self: They're ants. It could be worse. It could be a bat. It could be a mouse. I'll take a couple of teeny-tiny black ants any old day of the week and twice on Sunday if that means I never see a demon rodent ever. Move along little ants. I need to do my movement in privacy!

I believe that message was taken to heart by those two to four little ants. And rather than taking a meager little crumb and feasting on that for awhile, they took my little bargain and decided that was an open invitation to not only visit, but to be that annoying, unwelcome, and over-staying their welcome guest(s).

They're everywhere!
And I mean everywhere.
There's usually not that many of them.
But what is really getting to me is that there is not one room in my house that is off limits.

Rav at the end of his rope with them said to me the other day You know, a little ant here or there is no big deal. But what's really getting under my skin is that they're everywhere. It's one thing to have ants in the kitchen in larger quantities. But this scattered business is just really getting on my nerves.

I've tried reasoning with them. Despite the fact that I'm afraid in the winter time there will be a trade off, which will entail sending in a demon rodent in place of a few little ants now. But still, I've bargained with them.
Listen. I'll let you take that lone, wayward Cheerio and that little piece of Pringle, if you will just.keep.out. Tell your friends.

Rav has set traps. That seemed to work for half a minute.

I've sprayed.
Then I sprayed.
I sprayed.
Did I mention that I sprayed?

They just looked at each other, point at me and the spray bottle, and laughed collectively at me.

Last night, I had a dream about them.
It's hard to believe that with all of the things going on in the world, I have become obsessed to the point of insanity over this:

And not only that, but I've been singing The Ants Go Marching in my head every time I see one for about three weeks now. And it's the Barney version.

Clearly this whole situation cannot be good.

7 ripples in the pond:

thailandchani said...

Use pepper. It gets rid of the ants every time. :)

We had the same trouble here a while back.

They are annoying little critters!



jen said...

ugh. i no heart ants inside the house.


carrie said...

Oh no, time to call the Orkin Man (or some other professional)...or maybe the pepper will work.

I have always been told that there is no such thing as "just one ant". Words to live by, in your case.

Keep us posted on your battle!:)


Joker The Lurcher said...

surely there is some predator of ants? do hedgehogs eat them? mind you being over run with hedgehogs might be a bit more painful...

Jon said...

Nah, exterminators cost money, and pepper only works if the ants don't like spicy food. Joker has got it right - you need nature's answer. Spiders.

Now don't freak out: hear me out. Spiders are neat - spiders are friendly. A few spiders to set up shop in your place will be perfect for solving your ant problem. Once the ants learn your place is home to a little Shelob or two, they'll never return. Plus, spiders stay in one place, know their business when it comes to devouring ants, and - as a bonus - occasionally an irradiated one will give you super powers.

So - spiders. Just think about it :)

Tabba said...

Jon, the problem is that with all the spraying I've done, it's sort of wiped out all of the spiders.

Not to mention, Bry HATES spiders. He feels about spiders the way I feel about mice.
I'm not a fan of spiders either. However, I can totally appreciate their benefits.

Totally off subject - we need to get together again....And I'll have to do dinner, since we missed that opportunity last time. I promise, no pasta....and no Korean either if you're not down for it :)

Jen Magnuson said...

I hate to sound anti-green, but I say get the exterminators out to your house. I hate insects in the home!! When we lived in Georgia, I kept the house freezing cold and that kept 99% of the bugs out. Of course, it's annoying to have a freezing house.