Mind Trap

I don't know how to share what happened.
Because the outcome could have been so much worse.

I don't know how to share what happened because
I feel like I'm exploiting my son, my feelings.

I don't know how to share what happened when
it so desperately needs to be put out there. When something takes up every corner of my mind, the feelings, thoughts, and emotions so raw, it makes it even more difficult for me to put into words. You think it would be the exact opposite.
My mind becomes such a trap sometimes.

I don't know how to share what happened because
I feel like it would have to be broken down into at least three posts.
The before.
The during.
The after.
And again, with feeling like I'm exploiting something - namely my son.

I don't know how to share what happened because
I don't want to disturb anyone with my words, my description of events.

But then.
Something inside says that I need to acknowledge each and every emotion that I'm having.
Avoidance is not the answer here.

Maybe this post is just Step 1.

12 ripples in the pond:

Joker The Lurcher said...

oh my - i hope you are ok. you should write about it - for yourself if no other reason.

do take care.

Deezee said...

Speculating without information: the sharing helps everyone and need not be seen as exploitive. If you learned something, we all learn in hearing. If you are only in need of processing, we process as a community.

But you know best because you are inside the experience...

Tabba said...

deezee - No, you're right. And thank you so much for saying it. I find that I'm in much needed of mothering and nudging.
And your type of comment is what I was looking for......a rational view point, a voice of reason.
Because I don't know which end is up inside of my own head right now.
But listening to what readers think is very helpful.

Karen Forest said...

I visited the first time the other day because of the post on jens blog.

I am checking back to see how you are doing, and I can see that you are doing ok, and then again, not so ok.....

I hope that time helps to heal the mind.

Oh, The Joys said...

Whatever you decide, Tabba....

Denguy said...

You should get it out. Rely on friends to help you—real and virtual ones. As some one else has so eloquently put it: The only way out is through.

In my opinion, it's not exploitation—it's communicating your feelings. Let others help lessen your burden.
No one should endure this alone.

thailandchani said...

Here's my take, for what it's worth.

You absolutely must talk about it! If not to us, to someone.

These things grow and take on a life of their own. You got the shit scared out of you and talking about it takes the power away. There is nothing exploitative in it because you are talking about your experience. One day, your son will talk about his. And it will be the same event with two entirely different sets of processing styles.

You know where it is best to talk about it.. but talk about it! Absolutely! Talk about it!



Seattle Mamacita said...

ever since i read your friday post i keep thinking about your family, especially given my own little scare. take your time to digest it...

liv said...

And now for something completely different: Don't talk about it if you don't want to or can't. There are some things that demand more time, and aren't ready to be released. You must be left to be and to do on your own timeline. Hugs---and I'm just sorry that I haven't been tapped in to send you some love earlier.

jen said...

just let it come out as it needs to. sometimes it just needs to.

Pippajo said...

Tabba, I just read what happened. Just emailed you.

You and Rav decide what you and the kids need. That's all that matters.

Don't worry at all about how sharing will effect anyone but yourself. You need to focus on you and your family's needs.

Still reeling...

carrie said...

Tread softly Tabba, when you're ready, you'll be able to get it all out.

Whether you share it or not, is your business and no one will judge your decision.