9/18/06

Collide

As promised, here is how I launched two different vehicles into two different houses:

Collision I

I was about 4. It was the early 80's. My Aunt & Uncle were living in Slower Lower. That's what we Delawareans call Sussex County. It was, I believe, a Saturday. My Aunt was running errands and babysitting me. We pulled up outside the Post Office. She looks me in the eye, points to the gear shift and says, "Don't touch that." Well, what the hell do you think a 4 year old is gonna do when given a warning like that? She leaves me in the car, unattended, to go into the post office. I hop in the driver's seat (I used to love to pretend to drive). I 'touched the gear shift' and away I went. I coasted across the two lanes of traffic, barreled over a curb, into someone's yard and yup, into the corner of the house. My aunt comes running out of the post office, across the street & has words with the lady whose house has been (minorly) damaged. It was a horrible scene. My aunt was shaken, I was (inside) like "YES!!!!" and she forbid me from ever telling anyone. Now I'm telling everyone. For those of you who don't already know the story.

Karma....it will come to get you.......

Collision II

I was living with Bryan. It was January & I was on my way to work. I went outside to warm up my vehicle. Which was at the time a POS Jeep Cherokee, stick-shift, with a soon-to-be-found-out faulty emergency break. So, I start the jeep, run inside for something which I forgot. I run in our room & say to Bryan (as a joke), "Can you look outside to see if the Jeep is ok. I wouldn't want it to drift down the driveway." He got up, looked outside and said, "Uh, well, it's in the ______'s yard." I said something along the lines of , "Shut the f$%# up, stop joking." He was like, "I'm not." I look outside and there is my vehicle, crashed into the corner of their house. And the whole family looking like, "What the f@#$?" We go out there, they're having a cow, I'm having a cow. The police were called, as well as the fire department being dispatched. A few tickets were handed over to me, along with future court dates which led to restitution and paying back ridiculous amounts of $. The thing is...the real rub and there are a few, are these things:
-the ______'s and Bryan's family do NOT get along. So, of all houses for my rolling vehicle to hit. This one was perfect-o
-the County policeman who arrived on the scene insinuated that I had done this on purpose. Yeah, ok. I don't know them. I only know them as the neighbors that we don't talk to. Sure, fuzzball. I intentionally want to go to court, pay all kinds of $ I don't have just to break a piece of their vinyl siding. That's how I roll. Could you imagine what I would do to someone who I really didn't like?? Gimme a break.

So, there it is. Now for those of you who read my blog and don't know. Now ya do.

4 ripples in the pond:

Pippajo said...

I hardly know what to say, except that I'm sorry but those stories are pretty damn funny. Although I do sympathize with your dismay over hitting the neighbors you didn't like.

My Boy recently sent The Viking's truck down the driveway and into our neighbor's mailbox. Fortunately for us though, no one was hurt, we get along very well with our neighbors and it only cost $100 to replace their mailbox. Still it was very scary.

Thank you for sharing those with us!

slackermommy said...

What a bummer! Your story of crossing 2 lanes of traffic reminds me of something that happened around here. Two dogs were left in a running car in a parking lot while the owner ran in the store. One of the dogs hit the gear shift and the car rolled across traffic and crashed into the car dealership. The street is an extremely busy street and it was amazing that the car didn't hit another car. The funniest thing is witness's said it looked like one of the dogs was driving.

Bryan said...

I would like to point out that my lovely wife drives about the same now as she did back then........

Tabba said...

For that, you can forget the ride that you were going to get tonight ;)