Why Should The Fire Die?

For those of you who read my blog before all of my 'original' posts went missing you already know about The Farm. For the rest of you - my grandmother owned a farm. My dad's boyhood home and where he lived after the divorce. So, I stayed there on weekends with my dad as a girl. And The Farm feels like home - then, now and forever. Though I have a home with my own family now, The Farm will always hold my happiest memories of my childhood. My grandmother had to sell The Farm a few years ago. Much to my heartbreak.
Now you're all caught up to speed.
So, today I got to thinking about The Farm. Something about the smell in the air. The way my curtains lazily swayed against the breeze coming in the window.
I walked through the house, in my mind, once again. In my mind, I can see myself walking up the stairs. Like I have done hundreds of times before. At the top of the steps, I scan the hallway. Looking at familiar doors, carpet, pictures hanging on the walls. I can even smell the faint odor of the mothballs my Grandmother was diligent about keeping in her closets.
I come back from my 'tour'. To feel sad, nostalgic, happy that I ever got to spend time there, and regretful. Regretful that I didn't soak in more. Regretful that the last time I was there (and the only time Bryan was ever there) that I didn't show him the fields, walk in them like I used to do. Regretful that I didn't walk along the grapevine, under the fruit trees and down to the pond. Regretful that I didn't take one last walk down the loooong driveway - or lane as we bumpkins would call it. And regretful that I will not spend anymore time there - ever.
The days are long gone where I will swing from the tire swing, that I will stand next to the pond (that the new owners have now filled in) and feel small, that I will run down the 'lane' and feel like it is a 'big hill', and that I will chase butterflies with the butterfly nets my Grandmother always had on hand. And gone are the days where I can wish for the time that I can share all of those things with my children there.

The powerball is up to 150+ million. I have to buy a ticket or two. I know I'll probably never win. But the first thing I would buy - or try to buy back would be........

The Farm.

2 ripples in the pond:

Jon said...

"Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future... the past. Old friends long gone."

That line always gets me.

Tabba said...

It must be the PMS because I almost started crying when I read your comment.