I've done my fair share of complaining the past few days. And now that I'm over it, I need to reflect.
Tonight, Gracie was having a hard time soothing herself off to sleep. I decided to go in, lightly rub her back & sing to her via her homemade lullaby CD. In about 2 minutes, she's sitting on the edge of her bed, falling asleep - sitting upright. I began to cry. Looking at her pudgy cheeks, singing to her. I wasn't like bawling crying, just a tear falling here & there.
The beauty of her really struck me. She's so simplistic & complicated. She is so feminine.
She snuggles up to me, in my lap & we become this tight little ball of a mother & daughter. Sitting there on her floor.
It comes back to me. How I enjoyed singing/rocking my children to sleep. It was a part of their infancy I didn't want to give up. And most would argue against such night time rituals. As this does not promote them comforting themselves to sleep. I say: you don't know what you're missing.
I should have done this three days ago with her.
So many things come rushing back to me.
The countless times spent nursing her and talking to her. Singing to her. The quiet pleasure of being totally immersed in her. And her in I.
The power of my bosom still lingers with both of my kids. And the power of them still lingers with me. They hit me right at my core. They bring me back home. They always seem to lure me back to where I need to be.
They have no idea they're doing it.
As I, am not always aware that I'm doing it.
The draw of my chest. The warmth that I carry there. The comfort, security and muffled conversation of my heart beating that let them know they were, and still are, completely safe.
The powers that clash as I hold Gracie could almost wreck the room we're sitting in.
My power of being the essence of safe. The life-line. Being the mommy. The womanly strength you feel when you are nurturing your children. My mommy mo-jo.
And Gracie's ultra-feminine, mommy's little girl allure. It's powerful.
These two forces. Colliding. At one moment in time. Gives me chills.
I sat there, tearfully. Absolutely peacefully. Happily. Listening to Eva Cassidy's version of 'What A Wonderful World' and am so thankful for this.
That I've quieted down my crazy mind. Long enough to enjoy this moment.
With my beautiful daughter.
My Little Girl.
8 ripples in the pond:
Oh, now you've gone and made me cry.
Seriously, it just hit me like a ton of bricks today how much I miss my kids. Oh, I see them every day, but I still miss them.
I miss when they were babies and needed to be held and nursed. Now I feed them in a rush before I hurry them out the door or off to do homework or take a bath. I miss when they needed to be sung to sleep. Now they fall asleep to the sound of, "Don't you get out of that bed again!" I miss their spontaneous, childish hugs and kisses. Now I have to steal them when they wander too close and My Boy wipes them off anyway.
I miss their baby and toddler years and I am so not ready for them just to be a memory. That's what hit me when I pulled into the driveway after dropping them off at school this morning.
Your post twanged something deep in me and I just love when that happens!
What a lovely post. I try to remind myself how fast it goes and relish in every wonderful moment. It's easy to lose touch with this feeling when you are in the thick of it.
Sooooo true. And I have found that lately, I've been in the thick of it & not enjoying any of it.
It was good that I had that moment with her last night.
I think we both needed it (Gracie & myself.)
She's still a rip-roaring toddler with a nasty demon-like temper.
But I always have last night....
Thank you for your kind and wise words on my blog today. She is gorgeous in that pic, thanks for reminding us. ;)
Your post was a help to me also...I've been struggling with Maya to get her out of bed in the morning for school. I wake her up, give her some time to ease into the day, and she eases too much. She goes back to sleep for 20 - 30 minutes. I tried putting her to bed earlier, didn't help. This morning (after having to yell, GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF BED!) I decided that starting tomorrow, no more easing. When i go in to wake her, it's time to get up. But you made me reconsider...she's still young enough to enjoy a cuddle. So I'm going to go in 10 minutes early, cuddle with her, and when it's time to get up, she has to get up. Oh, I hope it works. Seems like a better way to start the day than yelling (or being yelled at, for that matter). And she won't let me do it for much longer (she's 10 1/2), so I need to get my cuddles while I can!
J-
I'm so glad that I could help. I love this support that is available in this bloggy world.
So unexpected & so wonderful.
I remember being that age & my mom would come in & harshly wake me up. It made me so miserable the rest of the day. I don't think she ever had the presence of mind to changer 'her' approach.
Kudos to you for trying to change - in order to help your daughter.
The time really is fleeting. And I try to remind myself that I'll be old news someday. And like you said, gobble up these moments when I can. They certainly aren't forever.
In my own defense, before the "GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF BED" were three, 3, attempts to kiss her and say, "Wake up sweetie, time to get up".
Also, an alarm clock that wakes up to her favorite CD has been a failure. I can't wait until she's a teen. ;)
Who knows. Maybe she'll do a 180 and be a timely riser as a teen? What are the chances?
You are such a nice mom. My mom never gave me the three warnings. She just yelled "GET UP". Although....if I was asleep, would I have 'known' about the three nice warnings??? Hmmmm.
tab, you've gone and made me cry. what an incredibly lovely post about two incredibly lovely girls.
and you are right...it's hard not to get lost in the forest sometimes, and then it all comes crashing back, how incredibly priviledged we are to bear witness to these precious beings as they navigate their way. it's too overwhelming at times to even comprehend.
i so wish we were in the same neighborhood...our girls would enjoy each other so much.
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