You Used to Major In Horticulture?

Yeah, if you can believe it. I love it. However, if you drove by my house, you'd choke on your Coke. I have weeds growing everywhere. I can't keep it under control. And you know what? I don't want to. My own yard is work. Someone else's yard is, well, fun. You ask me to come and help you with your yard and I'll bust my ass. You'd be surprised how immersed I get into it. I can see nothing else or hear anything else. I'm completely gone. I love to dabble in designs, colors and different plant materials. I love getting dirty, sweating, being in the sun & working hard. But not in my own yard. Is that totally f'd up or what?? So, while my front yard looks like the one that belongs to the token eccentric/witch lady that haunts every neighborhood in the movies, I'd love to make yours look good.
It really bothers me that I refuse to spend time or $ on my yard. I don't like to go outside or let the kids go outside because it's such a nightmare. And everytime I look at it, I get so overwhelmed. And, it's not even a big yard. In fact, it's about the size of one square of toilet paper. Ugh, it just grosses me out. Who knows? Maybe one morning, I'll wake up & find the yard fairy has come and sprinkled her magical manure on my yard & made it beautiful & lucious.