This week, I've been very reflective regarding my son. We have a meeting next week to determine what preschool he will be in for the '06-'07 school year. This is, sort of, the end of a VERY long process and an even longer, exhausting year.
The past year was a rough one in regards to Connor. We struggled with his behavior, he had a very rough school year, he had appendicitis in early Spring, potty training troubles, tense home situation (at times), and a recent diagnosis of ADHD and Sensory Processing issues.
Many poo-poo ADHD. And I have to say that I'm of the school of thought that it seems over-diagnosed & too many kids are medicated. However, I've known since Connor was about 6 months old, that this diagnosis would be in his future. No biggie.
Connor, in utero was active. I knew then what I was in for. Even my labor with him was an insight into things to come.
Connor, as an infant, was such a joy(and he still is). He was mostly happy, loved attention, friendly, and active. However, he could be difficult, demanding and hard to please. I thought this was just him being a baby. But it was clear to me, over time, that nothing and I mean nothing, held his attention for more than 5 seconds. But yet, he was interested in everything.
Connor is bright, intelligent, inventive, friendly (still), caring, compassionate, and sensitive. And this year has made all of those characteristics even more evident.
I can, most of the time, be as territorial as a Momma Lion when it comes to him. He has been through so much. And I do want him to learn from his experiences, but at the same time, I've seen him labeled and judged just because he and his behaviors were misunderstood. This is hard for a mom to digest. I already feel overprotective just because he's my kid. But given what he's been through, I'm even more so. It's a constant balance of fighting for him when it's time to fight & internalizing the rest.
We've worked hard as a family through his behavioral counseling and OT to get things as much on track as possible. To give him an extra push and help early on. Without having to rely on meds. We've seen big changes in Connor and even ourselves.
I'm hoping that we qualify for getting him into a preschool better suited to meet his needs. He's asking about going to school, which is a good thing. I am excited about getting him into a school where he can flourish. And just be Connor.
So many of these kids are labeled as 'bad' and 'disruptive'. But really, if you take an extra 10 seconds to look beyond what they can't control, I think you'd find the smartest, sweetest, most imaginitive kids. These kids just take an investment. And one that most people aren't willing to give. It's a lot of work. I constantly question myself & feel like I fail on a daily basis to give him what he needs. I know that I can always do more. I just hope that I'm guiding him in the proper ways and hope that all of the things I have to offer will mean something in the long run.
I know that, in the grand scheme of things, what we're battling isn't major. We are fortunate. We are fortunate to have two healthy, happy, bright kids. I have to remind myself that I'm fortunate that Connor doesn't ever sit still. Even in his sleep. This is a blessing, really. I complain that he doesn't ever stop talking, that I can't keep up with him and he out-thinks me. Really though, isn't that more than I could have ever asked for?????
I learn more from Connor everday. Everyday, he lets me in a little more to his depths. And as scary as it can seem sometimes, I love the adventure. And I wake up everyday, ready for more.

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