Insert foot into mouth

Last evening, Bry, Gracie & I stopped by my friend, Beth's house so that I could help her with hemming a pair of pants. Her husband, David, comes home & the 4 of us are hanging out, talking shit, drinking adult beverages and having a great time. Somehow we get to talking about police and law enforcement or something along those lines and Bry asks Beth about recently getting a ticket in her neighborhood by a Trooper from our wonderful state, who lives in her neighborhood. As Bry asks her about it she says, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Then it dawns on me, I vaguely remember her telling me she hadn't told David about the tickets and didn't know if she ever would. As Bry & I try to cover for Beth & backpeddle in a horrible way, David knows what's up. He's not a dumb guy. We're totally obvious. So, Beth because or our stupidity, has to spill her guts to David about this totally ridiculous traffic stop. She gives her wonderful husband the low-down on the whole deal & then informs him of another ticket for running a red-light, while she was talking on her cell to ME. It seems that the bluebird of happiness that has been planted on top of my head for the past 28 years likes to perch on my friends, as well. Hey, at least I've taught someone to share, right??

We're sorry, Beth. We're sorry for our stupidity. We're sorry that our bird likes to shit on you as well and let me know how else I can work off that $75 for your red-light ticket!!!
OH, and David sorry about your bike tire. I certainly was NOT trying to kill you!

I'm a tool. And maybe if I would've used one of these, David wouldn't have had a near- death experience on his bike.