Someone PLEASE Put Me Out of My Misery

UUuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhh!! I'm not feeling well. My sinuses/allergies are really acting up. My head is hurting so bad because of all of the pressure. I think I would pay someone to put a hole in my head to relieve some of the pressure. I can't even see straight. My teeth are beginning to hurt because of all of the pain. I've been waking up every morning with a horrible sore throat. And my chest is beginning to feel tight. Wonderful. I hate to complain. But I can't get no relief.
Anyway, I barely have a clear enough train of thought to put together these sentences. So, I've not been in a blog-state-of-mind. Here is something to get you thinking, laughing or shaking your head:

The other day I was on the phone with my friend Becky. We were talking about all of the crap that has been going on with Isreal/Lebanon, and the plot that was thwarted in London or whatever. So she says to me, "You know, I think that anybody that is getting on a plane should have to take off all of their clothes and be required to wear a hospital gown. They can wear underwear, but they can only wear a hospital gown." This had me cracking up. Just the visual of everyone on a plane wearing hospital gowns.

***************THE REST OF THIS IS NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY********************

Becky has been such a source of comedy for me lately. She has been begging her husband to hang up these curtain rods for her for awhile. Everytime she asks him to do it, well, he doesn't. She's having this big party for her son this weekend & needs these curtain rods hung. Like now. So, her & I are on the phone talking about these curtain rods. Well, actually, we're talking about her husband having to hang these curtain rods. I said, "Becky, can't you just bribe him with sex? Tell him he won't get any 'til he hangs these freaking curtain rods!" She's like, "Oh no. That just wouldn't work. It's not enough." I said, "Ok. Tell him you'll perform a certain 'job' if he'll hang these rods." She's like, "Yeah, I think I'm going to have to." So, we chuckle and head off into a different topic of conversation.
The following day, Becky & I are talking again. I ask her about the curtain rods. She's like, "YES! He finally put up the curtain rods. And last night, I f*cked his brains out!"
Hilarious. She's freaking hilarious.

**Names have been changed to protect the guilty.